A prayer for us, the world, every human to

!listen plea.se

... listen
NO more Speak
ple!ase Listen
  Listen!

.STOP.

listen
and wait
No but. No no
No yes.

s l o w l y.      just wait.
nothing
Listen
Continue to
only listen
and
OPEN

Do you hear
?
wait

now continue
just ...

Demoncracy

everybody's pulled up
everybody's around
         where do we go
Now
         there are no more slaves
Just this, Egalite, this Fraternity tacky ticky
And that awful crass
Word "Demo ...
On the oozing ministering lips of every son of a
n actor

everybody's pulled up
except it's a lie
And I'd rather be the slave and YOU
The Master
than slurp this sickening gruel

everybody's up
So where's now?
Let the New Philosophers
show these shackled slaves
before their feet trample all over
the Show.

- 2008?

i correct my last post. I had another dream 'with' my friend Karl. This time he was normal and friendly. He was, together with another man, with us at a meeting just to talk to them. We could ask them questions and at one point i asked a few very direct questions about ...? . It felt like a revoluniary, 'underground' meeting. At the end the meting was broken up by men from the  'secret' police branch taking us away. But i felt unconcerned, lighthearted, discussing with an old airforce friend the topic of flying airplanes.

In another dream, Simone and I were looking for a house. We found a tall round one with lots of glass windows, many floors, a 'room' like a kitchen in the garden, and a lovely big round guestroom at parterre level. She was eager to buy but I was suspicious about the low price and haconcerns about how cold the house would be in winter.

dream

Another dream last night with my friend Karl in it. We were in a family house somewhere getting ready to sleep. For some reason he was not happy with what I did/was doing. We lay down to sleep in different parts of the house. After I short while i got up to find a better place. In my dreams he always has a different aspect to other 'characters' in my dreams. He is not the friend of my memory, but more a distant spectre.

Why why why

 trouble seems to start as soon as we ask the question 'Why'. Why is that ;-)


it's winter's turn again and the trees as dressing up in anticipation of her arrival. time for northern exposure and leonard cohen re-runs.

re-legion

At the heart of religion is the human need to find solace. When we are at our wits-end we turn to God, Jesus, or Allah, Reason, Nature, our Ancestors, Ourselves, Etc.  And there we find an explanation, comfort or peace.

Delta of Lila

A certain perspective on life came to me this morning. Live is a play, a lila, a story that is being told through us, through everything. We are actors following the script of our life-novel, and sometimes, seldom, we are also writers, co-creating this received story. But the story has a life of its own and even when the master shapes and edits it, she ultimately lets it flow as it wishes through the delta of Lila.

shaken by dreams

Dream of the child and the lost Anima

recurring darkness of the drunk mind

Uncontrolled drinking (of alcohol) is like uncontrolled thinking; only more destructive.  i am a recovering thinkaholic. a borderline desctructive. each moment to pick myself up from the haze ... again, and again. 

to be clear of the mud, the dirt, the negative smut, the dark bile of self-harm. 

the poisonous half-dead insinuating itself into the now and strangling it. stillborn.

oh to live in that sunlit patch of eternal peace. to see the head of the untrue rising and soberly watch it slither away. like an Enlightened Knight on her white horse of noW.

TO PEACE MEN!

start again.

a person ees ....  perspectives of being shaped in a pyramidal like volume moving towards itSelf.

3 nights ago remarkable dreams of love and hate. Since then the moon struggles to clear the mountains of this valley dark we find ourselves in.

Droom met Karl, Ouers en Theuns langs 'n rivier met groot oop groen gras veld. Aan die einde van droom gee my Pa ons 3 elkeen R50, waaroor ek verlee voel. Dis die derde droom met ons 3 en familie binne 'n maand.

wei wu

uuuh I'm still here. keeping a low profile. forgetting the past one synapse at a time ;-) snailing into new paths... looking out for the next wave

waves of war or Epistle of Yob

Perhaps i understand why i don't tie the anchor down properly and why i do little in life 'properly'. I do not accept how it works. i rebel against its rules and laws. i find them boring. I, the big Yo, have the idea life should be about playing, discovery, fun, about the things that I like. But Life has its own agenda. I tried to escape human rules but all i found was the same reflected in the waves and wind. nature fully begets culture. life hurtles forth and i am merely a tiny vessel in its eternal circulation. And the irony is, not only is life the same on the sea canvass, but escape from land or society is impossible. The cord might stretch a little but that is all. for richer and poorer till death do us part and maybe again. The next war, the next famine, the next child, the next storm, the next season. dreaming we go to sleep and dreaming we wake. Reason is too blind to see meaning to this. only silence suffices. Love aren't you tired yet.

sleep sleep
awaking
or still dreaming
breath is slow
eyelids heavy
where is home
sleep now
smell the past
scent son
of summers
at the shore

The Devil's deep blue sea

I should've know the first 10 days were too good to be true. Such peaceful and mild waters I thought. Is this the mighty north atlantic? Ha. Snoozing slowly up to the Azores. Then the fearful anvil and hammer struck and questions were being asked.
what am I doing here? Alone..alone. hey pauli? The waves were big, dark, mad, and coming from six directions. One wave growled at us. believe it or not. Lila impressively and sometimes violently slipped over them. Here was when a boat design revealed itself. So we were ok but there was not any room for error anymore and no going back. Earlier in the day a mainsheet block shackle had zzzinged away. My preventers saved the situation and I repaired this time without metal. Also at night another shackle worked loose. this time on the anchor and the sounds i though was a rope banging on the hull was my 30kg anchor set loose on a badly lashed rope. why the hell i left it up there! Mainsheet slides were leaving the track one by one and I was lashing them to the mast one by one. There were moments of peace when the wind dropped to only 30 knots. Imagine that. And moments of fear when the wind edged upwards and I couldn't imagine how the waves will look like if that wind goes over 40. I was reading books but also praying for the first time in a while to all available powers. Suddenly life, love, peace and forest seemed in short supply. As Castenada said, our death is always cruising hidden behind us, it's just that at certain moments it switches on the headlights. 100nm north of me a yacht was dismasted. And all this occured in an area where there are supposed to be 0% gale force winds. I was a good boy and now my camels were being slaughtered before my eyes. A secondary low formed while i was slowly struggling to get through a high pressure ridge. i was being taught the practical mechanics of where not to be caught between the embrace of a low and high. I thought i should run from the low but I was just getting nicely inbetween the hippo and the water just where she was picking up speed on her stampede home. And that lovely coriolis twist was making certain checking out was unlikely. One of the worst nights we were running with tripple-reefed main, storm jib and engine running to better our escape angle. the gale didn't let up until a week later and not before serving up the vicious squalls dessert.

a few days later when we were breathing easier running near 35deg north the unbelievable. another warning of a gale approaching. Again we turned south-east into the wind and ran, ran, ran wide-eyed. Not again! But this time we were more determined, a little wiser, faster and luckier. We ran and ran and that bucking long arm of the low and high swept on by and the island volcano told me i was an animal from the land and there my peace lay.

But I got the chance to forgive all my enemies, re-flect on a few important things, read a few good books and make peace.
salaam salem alekhum salaam

circling the atlantic

will leave today or man-ana for the azores. rough route: guadeloupe..25n/57W .. 30N/55W .. 34N/45W .. 37N/37W..islands. bis gli.

Rain

Simone and me

more balanced view

To ask whether the human being has freedom is like asking whether man is a millionaire. He is not, but can become, a millionaire. He can make it his aim to become rich;similarly, he can make it his aim to become free. In her 'inner space' she can develop a centre of strength so that the power of her freedom exceeds that of her necessity

- EF schumacher, A Guide for the perplexed

The march of march

march seems to be an eventfull time for me and Lila. 4 years ago, 21 march, she arrived as a hull & deck in Cape town. 3 years ago March we were building full tilt. 2 years ago, 27 march, she was launched. And 1 year ago 1 apr, we left S-Africa for Namibia. Well this march.. the festivities won't reach previous heights, but 31 March we'll leave Martinique after a month of preparation to start the trek north(meet Simone in guadeluope) and east(to Azores in May). All of which will hopefully lead us to the Med around june.

and now for some less absurd writings. people seem to think it is dangerous out alone on the wide open sea. perhaps because the sea is so often used as a metaphor for life and death. why should i be safer on land than sea. why should i be safer among humans than whales and waves. a tree is no more likely to harm or help me than is a dog or a bird or for that matter goD. what is dangerous to me is only vaguely known and perhaps has something to do with ....
one thing old apostlepaul was right about is that we see as through a darkened glass. that is, beyond our noses. the free will debate is actually absurd. it is like ostriches discussing theories of flight.

hi my friend, my self

Last night i had a most unusual dream. For some reason my dream remembering or their strikingness has increased of late. unfortunately i've forgotten most of it, but the amazing things is i met myself. I saw myself, an entity with a autumn brown body or jacket i recognized as me. we came towards one another and i embraced him like a long lost brother and rested my face on his shoulder. Then i(we?) started crying deeply while we held each other. I remember going to sleep with the wish of really freeing my mind from imposed restrictions. Also I've been reading Homer's iliad with all it's gods and death and fighting. I of course interpret these gods as something of 'higher' destiny but also of 'lower' unconscious forces. Also the past and the present in a way.
I wish i could remember the context we met in. I know there was a dream story preceding it. Auf jedefal it was an extraodinary meeting.


also i read Nietzsche's powerful Antichrist recently.The other thing that has happened lately was the return of my erstwhile anger. And once last week while i was lying down i became so angry and went in search of god. i vented quite a bit of hate in this direction in various imaginary forms; but as i came out of this state i realised how impossible it is for me to find or confront the 'creator' of it all. god is not inside or outside or beyond or me or anything or nothing or

unda da c

Just want to say the fish I see some days are extraordinary beautiful. Also the turtles of course. Then such a long thin needle fish with blue spots, a fish with the most amazing blue wings that wave like a dress flowing in the wind, a slimy slinky yellow patterned snake. fat sea slugs. always something new.

hitchhiker's guide to galaxC - true stories

one dark stormy night as i was bouncing along alone around the galaxsea on my -space-ship, i heard a curious noise. checking outside in the cloudy blackness i saw two birds (Noddey's as it turned out) following my vessel, screeching as they came near to alight. it dawned on me these two grey stragllers of the ocean where trying to hitch a ride with me for the night. well good enough mates, as long as you don't scratch my solar panels; and um stay away from the bananas too.
They had a tough time boarding, with us cavorting along boisteriously on a wild sea, but eventually made it. Later I went to sleep as usual.
Some time in the night i groggily woke up with the strange feeling i have to do something(check for boats maybe?). i stood up, and shut-eyed tried to think what this could be. In the darkness i slowly edged nearer my entrance steps when i realized what this strange feeling was - i was not alone! i gave an big instinctive leap backwards. this was the first time any being bigger than a fruitfly had been with inside the boat at sea.
There it was, foolishly yet unapologetically standing around at the bottom of my steps. for how long i do not know. i was not happy. i could already envision the ensuing mess of feathers and prime agricultural fertilizer Odorning the rest of my night. i started cursing and questioning it. I got hold of a flashlight to exam my guest closer. Curiously (considering my status as omnivore) it was just sort of standing around, not at all thinking of leaving. I groped around in a panicky rush for some guano expendable containment device. Finding one i resolved to end this nightmare quickly. i put the flashlight in my mouth, blinded the intruder, and with a chaotic hopefulness threw it down towards the sole. as i said it was late at night. noddey arose flapping and i grabbed a pillow to protect my nether appendages from malicious damage. it was a short uneventful flight though and it ended up gimbaling right over my bed, still not really looking out of sorts. I feared this move was tactical. Guano-blackmail is an ugly game.

Slowly it was becoming apparent to me that there is one thing a noddy is unable to do, and that is to panick. in this it was following the prime command of the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy rigorously - Don't Panik. Realizing i'm dealing with a panick-geneless animal, i too gave up this game and with boldness grabbed the grey little chicken around the guzzle. it didn't struggle much at all though perhaps my grip WAS still a bit panicky. outside its mate was sitting unperturbed next to the entrance as i threw the fresh prince overboard. it took to the dark sky and in a curve came back to start the hike all over again. amazing i thought. they really have no fear of becoming Nandos Spicy Noddey Nuggets.

i closed my hatch after that, not wishing more excitingment than i already had on this part of the Brazil coast.
captainsblob stardate x

braziiiiillll

well i seems i have been absent a wee bit. Sailed to Luderitz, namibia. then after 3 weeks there on to isolated tropical st. helena island. After 3 weeks there I sailed to Salvador Brazil where I arrived the day before yesterday :-)