for J

The voice, Afghan matchmakers say, is more than half of love

- Shantaram, p. 24

Everyone, he said later, when his one year in the slum had become three and five and then eight, is connected to Fate through the will of God, and it's not until we open our hearts to what we fear, that we hear Fate knocking at the door of our lives.

- Qasim Ali Hussein

energies ahoy

Last night was full of strange energies. We spent the lovely evening on the K. balcony just chatting like lazy stones for the first time in a long while.

I had a strange dream in the morning which was difficult to capture but here is my best try. In the dream we were sleeping and i was having what i can best describe as pre-cognitive dreams. I dreamt that something bad was about to happen to Mojo's wife. Two woman with me went to try and prevent or help with this event that was about to occur. I 'saw' many dreams very similar but some 'felt' different and they were the right ones to 'take'. The dreams were symbolised as a musical pieces. The process had a feeling of inevitability - we cannot stop the future even though we know what is going to happen. Perhaps the choosing of the dreams had something to do with my decision last night to start writing down my dreams. I alo thought that choosing the correct dream was like a thank offering to God, a blessing.

back to the lake

Returned home today after great fires, food and sleep:) Thanks all.

I feel lots of new things are afoot at the moment. Feelins and truth and facing them. I haven't talked about my feelings in a long time but the captain will sit down soon and write them down in his starblob.

Maya is the many veils decorating the nameless

green hills of germany

I drove up to B's farmhouse near Tübingen yesterday. Went through a pretty rough storm but it was nice to be cruising on my own and the countryside is beautiful.

I had a great sleep and an interesting dream. I forget the beginning, but it felt like a group of us participated in some ceremony standing half submerged in water. Then afterwards I confronted an older man who seemed to be my teacher. This was a first. I shouted at him in mock fury that this enlightenment bussiness was a lot of crap and that i am tired of trying to become like this etc. etc. He just looked at me and said nothing. In the last part of the dream I was together with someone else and the teacher came and wanted to cut away the robe/shirt i was wearing. It was open at the front but still connected by a 'fixed' piece of a zipper just over my heart. I said that my mother is not going to like this as she was the one who made the zipper. I thought that maybe i could still repair it afterwards if needed. He went ahead and cut the robe open.

my dream woman

Last night my anima or soulmate came to talk to me in a dream. she was all i could ever dream of and a friend :) does she exist in the physical world too?

woman in the wood

I had the strangest dream(s) last night. Me, my frien J. and some children were somewhere in a room and J. was explaining/giving a lecture to us on how when children enter into or through the 'wood-world'(another dream world?) they can usually return but that occasionally they do get trapped there (for a while?). There was also the prostrate (sleeping?) figure of a young girl with us. Somehow she was centrally
involved in what we were doing or discussing. Then i think i tried it and entered into or through the 'wood'. I got in but then unxpectedly someone or thing came out of nowhere and gave me a 'fright'(something like saying BOO! behind me). I got such a fright that i immediately awoke shouting something out loud. It was unexpected but i didn't feel malice yet. But things changed. For the rest of the night i was drifting in and out of sleep having the feeling that something sinister is behind my head hiding in the wood and perhaps living in the wood next to my bed. I got the feeling it was a woman and that she is not very friendly towards me. I was feeling very violent(read scared) in my other dreams because i several times told her to go away and when i later saw a cat or kitten looking straight at me in a dream i very aggresively stared it down, mistakenly thinking it might be the woman or sent by her. I approached it and picked it up, softly because i realized i had an open swiss army knife in my right hand. what a night!

farewell to a krokodil

Monday night was the farewell 'fire' to Mojo down at the rote fabrik. The staff made dinner and the old krokodil band members teamed up for a few blazing rock songs. Man they're good. His brothers also joined to make some great music. But someone was missing. Travel well Mojo.

meditation is

... being with yourself.

dreary sky

My enemy is my helper

- old sufi or christian mystic saying.

The love we need to 'hunt' is inside ourselves. But that love is difficult prey. You have to be very fast ... because anything can distract you from your goal. If you can capture the 'prey' you will see that your love can grow strong inside you and it can fulfill all your needs.

-The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz.

I cannot recommend this book too highly, least of all to myself :) So straight and powerfull. And the audio book is read by a well-known couple with wonderful voices.

an interview with Don Miguel Ruiz and
www.miguelruiz.com

a watery grave

I had a restless night last night and an ominous dream. Unfortunately i've forgotten the start of it because it seemed significant and interesting. A group of us where together somewhere on a platform, busy with some ceremony or experiment? My impression is that it was a success and something bright and round materialized among us or we were indeed the pattern that formed. At this the scene shifted slightly and we now appeared to be high on a narrow gangway. Far below us was an ocean shore. Suddenly the others pushed me and an older woman off the plank. It happened unexpectedly and as we were near the edge i lost my balance and fell. Right beneath us there were people swimming and rocks and i was very concerned of hitting them. So i angled my descent away towards the open ocean. I now felt fear as it was very high. I tried to hit the water at an angle so that i wouldn't go so deep. As i went in i immediately started to check my descent by paddling upwards. However as i went down knew it was useless. I was going too deep. There wouldn't be enough air left in my lungs to reach the surface again.
Afterwards i sensed or overheard? that the older woman had died as well. Her bones where shattered on impact with the water.

An unusual dream and message. As far as i can recall i haven't died in a dream before.

half-moon rising

With the spring night warm and lingering me and M sat down together on the steps and didn't leave them until the night slept deeply and the tips of our noses and bodies were warm.

blowing in the wind

our lives are like writing with a stick on water

- the Buddha.