dreams of no return

i had some very vivid dreams last night. in one i went back to safrica and my parents' home, but didn't go inside the house. when my father and family came out i went closer to kiss him hello, but then unexpectedly stopped just before his face and said the word "totsiens"(goodbye) instead of hello. it just slipped out and i was embarressed and not sure what he would do. then i stayed in an outside room and one by one my family came to talk with me and only at the end my aunt and mother. she seemed distant, sullen. usually she is so excited when i come back.

in the other dream i kissed N hello at the coming wedding. and we couldn't stop and just started kissing very passionately and intense. over and over i dreamed this last sequence each time with a variation.

the (h)art of communication

today i physically participated in my first aikido class. my whole life seems to have revolved around 2 things..no 3,) - to find my/the center, to learn to communicate better, and not to be afraid. in aikido the same lesson continues and draws in also my body and 'body' center.

The snows continues to fall here. I love it. Cycling nearly alone at night through the white city is a meditation.

Many other things happened today but that's all i want to write.

The Art of Peace begins with you. Work on yourself and your appointed task in the Art of Peace. Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow. You are here for no other purpose than to realize your inner divinity and manifest your innate enlightenment. Foster peace in your own life and then apply the Art to all that you encounter
- Morehei Ueshiba

ich bin jetz online!!

permanently connected at last. hello world:)
today zurich turned into a white wonderland again. it's always a nice surprise to wake up to such a sudden change in scenery.

Rhythm of the night

Last night was cool. The drummers and dancers from here and africa certainly beat out the right rhythms. There's something very powerful in rhytms/cycles. I miss hearing the african drums at night.

Life is rhythm
At the heart of every life form there is rhythm. Movement, flow, change, renewal and repe-tition are all based in rhythm. It is only in rhythm, that we can experience time. Without vibration, without oscillation, there is statis. There is nothing. Stability and solidity are illusions. Everything oscillates and vibrates – from the bridge of steel and concrete, to the energy shells around an atom. Even colors oscillate at different frequencies. We recognize and experience our world through rhythm. Everything vibrates – everything „speaks“. It is, in essence, a universe of sound.
-http://www.touch-the-sound.com/

all world's a stage

Image, like Shakespeare did, that we are all actors/actresses in goD's play(maybe Dante too). Then the more we realise this and discover the possibilities available to us on this stage(how it works), the more we can choose our roles/acts and scenes. Well some things have of course already been determined, such as the entrance place and 'mask' of our character and the general rules of the stage and behaviour of the other players around us. In my imagination this of course leaves little room for morality, but this is something i have suspected occasionally when drunk. So with this knowledge, we forget the shoulds and shouldn'ts, see the past as ...in the last episode, and choose or accept our roles and play them with as much fun or drama as any hollowwood movie star. so are the days of our lives...

any flaws in this view?:)

shiatsu dream

Had a very powerful dream last night that woke me up and left me thinking for a long time. In it were me, my father and brother, and my search for a soulmate. So going into and around the body wakes up the inner and past emotions

gO and shiatsu

shiatsu with Sakura. what an experience! thanks for the great present Jan & Alex. i can't believe it took me so long to do something like this. a great addition to meditation and sex:)

It made me think and feel various things - who am i; the invisible flow of ki; she had the hands of my mother and strong too; the royalty of the feet, the vulnerability of the neck, the difference between the right and the left of the body. i could go on for hours about these themes but won't bore you :)

see http://gobase.org to learn what gO is. a great game.

way of harmony of chi

i went to 2 aikido classess the last few days. i like it a lot. now i understand why they call it the art of communication. it's an awareness ballet.

i thought of something. when one has a new insight, a revelation, then it doesn't mean that truth is suddenly realized in life. one must then go back (down) and lay the lower path leading (up) to that vision. as krishnamurti said..the first step is the last step. it seems to me before we can actualize the higher life senses we first need to go back (down) and make sure the most basic things are in balance. our instincts, our gut feelings, body movement, our sexual mind, familial relations, and then only can the higher senses of emotion, thought, transpersonal awareness be used sustainably. only from the valley can the mountain be climbed?:)

small tale of power

in mexico i was thinking the whole time of power. what is true power? In a sense the word says what it is: a certain potential available to shape or experience life.
- Firstly, this energy can be excersized in different spheres of life: political, familial, physical, psychological etc.
- It can also differ in permanence, i.e., inherited or delegated power can be lost, bullets can be used up, but the ability to shoot is longer lasting. (Thus the ability to withstand time).
- Then there is the matter of control and intent. How efficient/loving/good is the power used. How much money or energy is wasted in the use thereof?

Maybe it just comes down to what wilber defines as the highest morality: the greatest power is power that is excersized over the greatest depth for the greatest span.

That's fine for theory but something i thought of yesterday is that the greatest power one can have is just to be/become your whole Self. This power seems to me personal and so very important. It is lasting because it cannot be taken away even by time, and it's intent and control is just to the best of your ability because it emerges from your whole being. Of course this is the trick, that we must act from our whole Self, not only our mind or feelings or body or gut or intuition, but with our whole soul. well this might also wrong:) chao

tears for the dead and the living dead on a glorious day

i dreamt a funeral for my dead friend Karl. His parents were there and many old friends and for some strange reason some of many family as well. At some stage it also felt like there was a session were friends apologised for the things they did against him. It was a long process and at the end I couldn't keep my feelings under control anymore and started crying unconsolably and tried to hide it. I guess my dreams have to cry for me if I won't.

So if men don't want to talk about feelings they talk about the weather(or sports). The last few days here have been a mini spring right in the middle of winter. the sun is shining onto my desk and even my cold heart cannot help feeling a smile. it's a glorious day weatherwise:)

earth's birthday

New year/silvester at grindelwald at the J. family chalet in the mountains. A remote wooden village covered in soft snow at the foot of ancient rock monoliths that guard the southern sky - the wetterhorn, eiger and schrekhorn. There is only direct sun from around 11 to 1. Great food, schlitteling, go and sheber games, and stranger friends taking a break in this white pond before joining the grey rush of mad life again. oh and interesting snowboarding. a bit like my life at the moment. a little zen, great beauty around me, and lots of frustrating struggling on steep slopes. why me lord.. Coming back to Zurich, the air was just hanging around and social junk communication competed for my eyes and mind again. A grau depression seeped up my legs, which only the familie K. could mitigate.