wednesday ... burns like oil with me arriving with my jail face

....
It happens that I am tired of being a man.

Just the same, it would be delicious to scare a notary
With a cut lily
Or knock a nun stone dead with a single blow of an ear.
It would be beautiful to go through the streets
With a green knife shouting until I died of cold.

I do not want to go on being a root in the dark, hesitating,
Stretched out shivering with dreams,
Downward in the wet tripe of the earth,
Soaking it up and thinking and eating every day.
I do not want to be the inheritor of so many misfortunes.
I do not want to continue as a root and as a tomb, as a solitary tumble,
As a cellar full of corpses stiff with cold and dying with pain.
....
my thoughts exactly last night and today. from dear Pablo Neruda's poem Walking Around

driving to work

One of the highlights of my day is driving to work along the coastline, singing, plus a bit of rally driving;)

Take me where the sun is shining
Where the air up in the skies are in my eyes
And I will fly to where
My dreams are hiding somewhere in the sky
For just a while

Bridges all around
Where victories of winners still survive
And evidence of losers on the ground
traces left behind
Not always easy to erase a time
So hard to get it out this frame of mind
And every hour it makes me wonder
Why I should stay

Take me where the sun is shining
Where the air up in the skies are in my eyes
And I will fly to where
My dreams are hiding somewhere in the sky
For just a while

....
- song from Coleske

afrikan rhytms and time qualities

I feel like i've stepped out of a thick slow running river into a warm maelstrom of current. for the first time ever i feel i have come home to an undivided country. for the first time ever i feel like have my birth country has become part of afrika. The temperature is great, freeing the boundaries of the soul. the trees are big and green and i've never seen my parents' garden so lush and beautiful. The people are moving, smiling, interacting with my eyes and emotions, even though i'm in a big city. I cannot say i feel at home but it's defintely an exciting place to be. The people i meet are brimming with life. Sidenote for Jan ;) - On saturday my brother's girlfriend said she was on a kontiki tour in europe in july, and although she only stayed two days in switzerland, she said she experienced the swiss people as the friendliest of all the europeans she came into contact with.

I've had too little sleep and too much alchohol this week but already i feel energy coming back into me. It feels a little like i can see and interact with the matrix :) my eyes and the times has changed. I wish my swiss friends could exprience this, i think they would be pleasantly stunned.
well a gruess to them all.

sala kahle
RP

de-feat-ed?

sad goodbye but i got the nicest socks in the world :) pic to follow

eerste schneeeeeeeee !!!

I was sitting inside, in front of a huge glass window overlooking the street and listening to the reverberating sounds of tibetan bowls when the white Lady decided it's time to strew down on the city the first delicate crystal creatures from her wintery welcome basket.

like humans
snowflakes suddenly streak down in single multitudes
alive they dance on the air
write poetry
then die on the street

------

you know so little of me

I found a nice blog. Makes me miss my friend Karl.

http://cafeintellect.blogspot.com/

Tonight I have to write. I guess it is the time quality of today and the sufi teachings i'm listening to. About god, love,longing, burning, madmen, did i say love :) oh goD, perhaps i have been a sufi all my life without knowing it. except i am only a small sufi, and also one who cannot decide between the love of the empty goD or the feminine embrace of fullness. Ah both, give me both. Except i usually curse one and love the other.

Also tonight I continue writing to her in her absence. She who creates such an unfullfilled longing in me. My fear of 'losing' her strikes me deep in my stomach so that i become sick. It happened again today. Perhaps i have this time taken on more than i can bear. Dear dr. Jung, I am in your country, assist me in facing my shadow and 'finding' myself and so her. May my teacher assist me. I love her.

original face

one day when i was feeling very desperate
i went to you full of my despair
to lie to you, to show you(again) i love you, and to test for hope

and late at night at the end of my utter failure
i placed my hand close to yours
and you, thinking i meant to take it(maybe i did)
took mine and we locked hands
not as lovers, but in desperate consolation
maybe the red wine helped or maybe not
but a peace descended on me
a silence that was not akward but infinite, timeless
we said nothing,
nothing needed to be said
- you were there.
and looked at nothing
nothing else needed to be looked at
- you were there.
then i dissolved
for the first time in my life _i_ did not exist
_i_ wasn't me or even you
there was just, unthinking, unfeeling, unasking, awareness
i don't know what you felt for i had no words
,even to you
perhaps you shared some of it
i wish very much to be with you again and return this
but i have not been able to
it seems that the world of a thousand things
barrs my way.

now

outside my window the moon is giving me a sultry sideways glance. Venus glides shining towards the horizon and i know mars has risen over the zurisee. And I 'see' the deep ones are above as well -pluto, uranus and neptune. Quite unusual. Outside it is huere kalt..cold and the churchbells just rang for sechsi. I feel strange. something is coming :) a ver.

verlange, hart, breek, loser, hotel, s&m

ek is nie heeltemal seker of ek hieroor moet skryf nie. Behalwe dat dit uiters vervelig gaan word vir die leser, huil die leser, mag dit 'n ander ding te weeg bring wat ek regtig nie van hou nie en dit is jammerte(pity). Die arme afrikane, die arme hond, die arme armes, die arme paul...uh Ran. wel asb moet my net nie fokken jammer kry nie, ek doen dit soms genoeg self...

Die dramatiese punt: Daar is 'n rede hoekom ek stadig doodgaan en energie verloor en ek verstaan nie meer hoe presies ek dit heeltyd regkry om soveel te 'verloor' nie, dit is, pogings tot romantiese verhoudings. Wel ek is seker die rasionele onder ons sal aan 'n paar redes kan dink. Maar hier is die armsalige rede:
Ek gaan dood aan verlies van liefde(ja lag, maar julle dag kom dalk nog. wel ek hoop nie so nie). Nie liefde in die algemeen nie, ek voel liefde van my familie en vriende en die natuur en diere en myself. Liefde van 'n vrou, meisie, dame, prinses, soulmate, seksuele-ander-helfe.


die res...

...
I'm aching for you baby
I can't pretend I'm not
I need to see you naked
In your body and your thought
...
There ain't no cure for love
All the rocket ships are climbing through the sky
The holy books are open wide
The doctors working day and night
But they'll never ever find that cure for love
There ain't no drink no drug
(Ah tell them, angels)
There's nothing pure enough to be a cure for love
...
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure for love
-Master Cohen

You can call me Ran

At Samhain(All Hallows) we remember and give thanks to all those good souls who have helped us and the world, and who have found peace. In the original celebration of Samhain the guy, representing our old self who has served well, is placed on the bonfire so that it might be consumed in fire, so releasing its light to bless the community and the land. from zoence- the science of life

last night i was rolling around in my thoughts. and the idea came to me to give myself a new name. It's not that i dislike my old name, but i never really felt inspired by it. Half my family and the christian world are called paul. This change feels intuitively right and wasn't consciously planned. A few days ago i suddenly thought of adding my mother's family name to my surname and that's how it started. In the latin world both the father and mother's surnames are used.

Not that names are the most important thing, but if you're going to use one, you might as well like it. like clothes. And it feels kind of exciting to choose my own name this time. I also decided to throw out my middle name(like a unused apendix :) I'll put my old name in its place because it has served me well after all.

Some meanings of Ran:
Japanese - chaos, rebellion, war, upheaval, excess; water lily(symbolizing purity), orchid; a cute sound one makes when happy; the change that results from adding a new element to an existing order
Norse - sea goddess of storms. She collects drowned people in her net.
Hindi - queen.
Tibetan - "time to do" particle, certain time, kind of grass
Anglo Saxon surname - pure, clear.
Hebrew - Happy, song, sing, prayer, chant, ringing cry usually associated with joy
& apparantly a good movie by Akira Kurosawa

Paul:
greek - small, little, humble

Yours newly
Ran-paul
time is now for a small rebellion towards joy & clarity ;)

3 things, no 4

it's tonight now and i feel lonely&close to everything and just a chlini bit stoned . I saw one of the best movies tonight. Chosen by Jan, it was a Japanese film called Nobody knows. But I think a better title would have been everybody knows, but doesn't realize.

And I also listened for a first time, going home through sleeping streets, to a song i've heard a thousand times before. But tonight I listened to it for the first time. Not completely, but it's a start. An amazing song and useless to write about it really. -Ballad of the absent Mare by Leonard Cohen.

Also Mars and da sisters are shining beautifully and close in the midnight sky. Hope you weathered the hurricane Lily. Must've been quite a tempest, although not quite equal to you yet ;)

shlaf guet wêreld.

I want you, I want you, I want you
On a chair with a dead magazine
In a cave at the tip of the lily
In some hallway where love's never been
- from I'm your man, Leonard Cohen

'sisters' haunt my dreams

I remember two strange dreams from last night. In the first one I was with my mother(a younger version) and some other people gathered('kuiering') in a living room. There was also two young woman I liked and felt comfortable with. Then it slowly came out that they were my half-sisters(my mother's children). She had kept this from me and I became very angry. Perhaps i felt they could have looked after me when i was little or just merely that she deprived me of the love of two older sisters. She felt sorry but in a very harsh gesture i pushed her face back with the palm of my hand when she came close and ran away into some empty rooms. They carried the feeling of the rooms from our family house, but now mostly empty and dark. She came looking for me, but hurt and distressed i moved through different rooms and passages avoiding her.

The other dream amazingly carried many of the same themes. I was with a young woman I know. Actually the identities of the sisters was a bit mixed up. She was the younger(not in real life) sister of three. We were walking together and then she took me up and showed me the room where she lives. It didn't seem very nice to me. It was narrow, right on the street, with paper blinds and her neighbour could see right into her rooms. She didn't seem to mind though. We went in and I saw that surprisingly the rooms opened up into much bigger rooms(above?). Here her whole family was gathered(kuiering). I sat down next to her and we touched ofen. I could feel she liked me, but i was in love with her sister. I didn't know what to do. I liked the attention and through her to be with her sister. I didn't want to hurt her but i couldn't mislead her eiher. So i slowly i tried to distance myself. I don't know what happened then but at the end i found a pregnancy kit. I didn't know who it belonged to and really studied it carefully. I sadly thought that it might belong to the sister i love.

reeedd reeeed wiiiiiihhhheeeeiiiin

Today me and Jan went to buy some wine at he m-winekeller. I got slightly drunk and he was more professional and to the point. Anyway isn't wine a lot like everything else. years of history meeting you, falling on your tongue, and you either like it or you don't. Uncharacteristically i also bought some wines that i desired despite the price they extracted. growth or annihilation. wie weet?

answer is 41...and love

Dear Blogb

Once upon a time in Rome, my ex mexican friend Pedro told me he saw the most beautiful woman ever, working in Prague in a fast food restaurant, and he urged me to go see and gave me directions to get there. Well when i got to Prague I tried, sort of, but I couldn't even find the restaurant and I wasn't too bothered about the whole mission.

I must've had a hunch even then that she wasn't in Prague for today I SAW the most beautifull woman in all the universes. And I even spoke to her! but i think i just said some idiotic things and probably forgot to close my mouth too.

I wish i could describe her to you better, but i was a bit overwhelmed keeping all my bodily and mental functions from disintegrating, so sorry, i didn't get a chance to note down everything. But she did have the most beautiful long brown hair, deep deep brown eyes and a smile and aura that could move a thousand matterhorns. I hope i didn't stare too obviously at her mesmerizing breasts cut against her black dress. Oh dear. Perhaps that what all my m&M* is for. To survive an encounter like this. uh uh hu aaaahhhh.....oooohhhhhhmmmmmm...

in other beauty news the trees and leaves they leave around here speak in a colourful new language to me. einfach shön. they get ready for sleep and renewal in the utmost grace and style. zumwohl sturdy trees, you give a lesson in change.

...Only from the heart can you reach the sky,
the rose of glory can only be raised in the heart
-- Rumi

*masturbation & meditation (taken from a J. open source idea)

dreamy night

I had a very funny night last night. In fact considering the events of the day and my angry feelings afterwards, it was very curious that i went to sleep in a happy mood. perhaps the full moon waning had something to do with this? Anyway i had the funniest dream about george wable-u pus. As far as i recall i have never dreamed of a politician before and this was a first. In the dream he turned out to be much shorter than i thought. A comic little man surrounded by his aides and there was an incident with him trying to grope a woman. sehr lustig.

sun..uh i mean mistday

today's meditation was unusually peaceful. Returning from a foray my hummingbird mind told me the following:

meditation is learning to:
let go when needed
live in each new now too
accept some things
find our balance bewtix all these myriad forces
listen to the flow of the now
come home

up & down shadow & sun

How can one day take me so high and so low? unglaublich. Me and N went up to Amden yesterday chasing the migrating sun and though i didn't take my camera, i took some pictures there that will remain in me when all the film and harddrives in the world are dust.
like,
the beautiful view of Mürtschenstock, the slow sässälli ride dangling between beauty, the schöni cow music from the hundreds of church-sized bells ;) around their necks, other funny furry cows, a quick view of high säntis, dreamy houses and mountain sides, friendly passersby, an unusual golden christ effigy, mountain streams murmuring of pasts and futures unknown, N on a sunny bench in front of massive jutting mountains wrapped in 7 hues of blue mist, and the moon dancing with the setting sun above the wahlensee am ende. Well and that's only the physical impressions...
As we came down 'we came down' in many ways and i was left empty.
A strange day. Maybe I should learn not to chase the sun with wings of wax.

return of mars

tonight d' schwiiz drew against ireland...sorry Jan

we had a interesting fiery,wide and close triangle meditation

Mars beamed bright next to the pleiades down on me and Julietta

what am i to make of all this..?
i'm alive and tomorrow is a new day :)

various

"What do you think is the meaning of true happiness?" Calvin asks Hobbes.
"Is it money, cars and women? Or is it just money and cars?"

last/first Calvin and Hobbs ...change and chance and seasons

Our new Bulksms website is delivered live an kicking after a 4 month pregnancy... isn't she beautiful ;)

Want to see something very funny? fucking state of The Union

los lost

we went to see the cuban? band 'los dos' last night. their african/cuban drum player was better than the band and the best song came from the woman they pulled up front the audience to sing one famous latin song. whereever she came from she has more potential than the homey boys. watching the people dance salsa was also cool. pity i couldn't/dared not? join them ...

the whole evening started fine and with me in good spirits untill i kissed the face of death and from then my spirit descended into dante's dream without even the help of dulling drugs or freeing alchohol. the night was only saved by the passion transmitted to me from snaking shaking bodies.

captain's blob stardate mediocrity

loss

i always admired people who lost a leg or arm and continued their life as happy as ever. i never thought i could cope with such unfairness. maybe i was wrong :P

story about love

I want to tell you a very old story about a man who didn’t believe in love. This was an ordinary man just like you and me, but what made this man special was his way of thinking: He thought love doesn’t exist. Of Course, he had a lot of experience trying to find love, and he had observed the people around him. Much of his life had been spent searching for love, only to find that love didn’t exist.
Wherever this man went, he used to tell people that love is nothing but an invention of the poets, an invention of religions just to manipulate the weak mind of humans, to have control over humans, to make them believe. He said that love is not real, and that’s why no human could ever find love even though he might look for it.
...
He used to say that most relationships between lovers are just like a relationship between a drug addict and the one who provides the drugs. The one who has the biggest need is like the drug addict; the one who has the little need is the one who controls the whole relationship. You can see this dynamic so clearly because usually in every relationship there is one who loves the most and the other who doesn’t love, who only takes advantage of the one who gives his or her heart. You can see the way they manipulate each other, their actions and reactions, and they are just like the provider and the drug addict.
The drug addict, the one who has the biggest need, lives in constant fear that perhaps he will not be able to get the next dosage of love, or the drug. The drug addict thinks, "What am I going to do if she leaves me?" That fear makes the drug addict very possessive. "That’s mine!" The addict becomes jealous and demanding, because the fear of not having the next dosage. The provider can control and manipulate the one who needs the drug by giving more doses, fewer doses, or no doses at all. The one who has the biggest need completely surrenders and will do whatever he can to avoid being abandoned.
The man went on explaining to everyone why love doesn’t exist. "What humans call 'love' is nothing but a fear relationship based on control. Where is the respect? Where is the love they claim to have? There is no love. Young couples, in front of the representation of God, in front of their family and friends, make a lot of promises to each other: to live together forever, to love and respect each other, to be there for each other, through the good times and the bad times. They promise to love and honor each other, and make promises and more promises. What is amazing is that they really believe these promises. But after the marriage- one week later, a month later, a few months later- you can see that none of these promises are kept.
"What you find is a war of control to see who will manipulate whom. Who will be the provider, and who will have the addiction? You find that a few months later, the respect they swear to have for each other is gone. You can see the resentment, the emotional poison, how they hurt each other, little by little, and it grows and grows, until they don’t know when the love stops. They stay together because they are afraid to be alone, afraid of the opinions and judgments of others, and also afraid of their own judgments and opinions. But where is the love?"
....
Then one day this man was walking in a park, and there on a bench was a beautiful lady who was crying. When he saw her crying, he felt curiosity. Sitting beside her , he asked if he could help her. He asked why she was crying. You can imagine his surprise when she told him she was crying because love doesn’t exist. He said, "This is amazing- a woman who believes that love doesn’t exist!" Of course, he wanted to know more about her.
"Why do you say that love doesn’t exist?" he asked.
"Well, its a long story," she replied. "I married when I was very young, with all the love, all these illusions, full of hope that I would share my life with this man. We swore to each other our loyalty, respect, and honor, and we created a family. But soon everything changed. I was the devoted wife who took care of the children and the home. My husband continued to develop his career, and his success and image outside of home was more important to him than our family. He lost respect for me, and I lost respect for him. We hurt each other, and at a certain point I discovered that I didn’t love him and he didn’t love me either.
"But the children needed a father, and that was my excuse to stay and to do whatever I could to support him. Now the children are grown and they have left. I no longer have any excuses to stay with him. There’s no respect, there’s no kindness. I know that even if I find someone else, it’s going to be the same, because love doesn’t exist. There is no sense to look around for something that doesn’t exist. That is why I am crying."
Understanding her very well, he embraced her and said, "You are right; love doesn’t exist. We look for love, we open our heart and we become vulnerable just to find selfishness. That hurts us even if we don’t think we will be hurt. It doesn’t matter how many relationships we have; the same thing happens again and again. Why even search for love any longer?"
They were so much alike, and they became the best friends ever. It was a wonderful relationship. They respected each other, and they never put each other down. With ever step they took to gether, they were happy. There was no envy or jealousy; there was no control, no possessiveness. The relationship kept growing and growing. They loved to be together, because when they were together they had a lot of fun. When they were not together, they missed each other.
One day when the man was out of town, he had the weirdest idea. He was thinking, "Hmm, maybe what I feel for her is love. But this is so different from what I have ever felt before. It's not what the poets say it is; it’s not what religion says, because I am not responsible for her. I don’t take anything from her; I don’t have the need for her to take care of me; I don’t need to blame her for my difficulties or to take my dramas to her. We have the best time together; we enjoy each other. I respect the way she thinks, the way she feels. She doesn’t embarrass me; she doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t feel jealous when she’s with other people; I don’t feel envy when she is successful. Perhaps love does exist, but it’s not what everyone thinks love is."
He could hardly wait to go back home and talk to her, to let her know about his weird idea. As soon as he started talking, she said, "I know exactly what you are talking about. I had the same idea long ago, but I didn’t want to share it with you because I know you don’t believe in love. Perhaps love does exist, but it isn’t what we thought it was." They decided to become lovers and to live together, and it was amazing that things didn’t change. They still respected each other, they were still supportive of each other, and the love grew more and more. Even the simplest things made their hearts sing with love because they were so happy.
The man's heart was so full with all the love he felt that one night a great miracle happened. He was looking at the stars and he found the most beautiful one, and his love was so big that the star started coming down from the sky and soon that star was in his hands. Then a second miracle happened, and his soul merged with that star. He was intensely happy, and he could hardly wait to go to the woman and put that star in her hands to prove his love to her. As soon as he put the star in her hands, she felt a moment of doubt. This love was overwhelming, and in that moment, the star fell from her hands and broke in a million little pieces.
Now there is an old man walking around the world swearing that love doesn’t exist. And there is a beautiful old woman at home waiting for a man, shedding a tear for a paradise that once she had in her hands, but for one moment of doubt, she let it go. This is the story about the man who didn't believe in love.
Who made the mistake? Do you want to guess what went wrong? The mistake was on the man's part in thinking he could give the woman his happiness. The star was his happiness, and his mistake was to put his happiness into her hands. Happiness never comes from outside of us. He was happy because of the love coming out of him; she was happy because of the love coming out of her. But as soon as he made her responsible for his happiness, she broke the star because she could not be responsible for his happiness.
No matter how much the woman loved him, she could never make him happy because she could never know what he had in his mind. She could never know what his expectations were, because she could not know his dreams.
....
It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be. That is the mistake most of us make right from the beginning. We base our happiness on our partner, and it doesn’t work that way. We make all those promises that we cannot keep, and we set ourselves up to fail.

-- from The Mastery of love by Miguel Ruiz

mmm makes me think a lot about my own r/moaning around ;)

How do I kiss her?

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55. Fng - Abundance [Fullness]

Chn The Arousing, Thunder is above. Li The Clinging, Flame is below.
Judgement: Abundance has success. The king attains abundance. Be not sad. Be like the sun at midday.
Image: Both thunder and lightning come Image of Abundance. Thus the superior man decides lawsuits And carries out punishments.
Six in the second place means: The curtain is of such fullness That the polestars can be seen at noon. Through going one meets with mistrust and hate. If one rouses him through truth, Good fortune comes.
Six in the fifth place means: lines are coming, Blessing and fame draw near. Good fortune.


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43. Kuai - Break-through (Resoluteness)

Tui The Joyous, Lake is above. Ch'ien The Creative, Heaven is below.
Judgement: Break-through. One must resolutely make the matter known At the court of the king. It must be announced truthfully. Danger. It is necessary to notify one's own city. It does not further to resort to arms. It furthers one to undertake something.
Image: The lake has risen to heaven Image of Break-through. Thus the superior man Dispenses riches downward And refrains from resting on his virtue.

aint no sunshine when she's gone

studylife Pro-Anti gress report

With a proclaimed and inborn mission to find the answer to the universe (which numerically is expressed as 42 .. see wikipedia) i (k)now present you with my 35 yearly progress report:

Uh. ahem. I have to say in one sense i'm not one tiny nano-inch closer to IT know than i was at the 'start'. The words of poet Robert Frost comes to mind, “We dance around in a circle and suppose but the secret sits in the center and knows”. In one sense I know and have experienced much more and enjoyed seeing things clearer, but in the most fundamental sense the truth(and us) has always been sitting there in the center, with us(and me) dancing around it like a moth doing the salsa. Welcome to the strange world of just being. Well on that totally zen and unsatisfactory note(haha), i proclaim this 35 yearly report closed and predict that next report would have reported the same, perhaps a only a little shorter.

Last night i danced upon another ineresting morsel the truth threw out at me. Perhaps my mission of thruth finding is just a way the little boy i was is seeking to become whole again. Perhaps that is why i have no great interest in pure philosophy, as i feel the answer to the..my search lies not only in the mental but in the body and heart and mind and all of it.

this is the most beautiful and most evil universe i have ever know -- the little boy

like the desert loves the rain, so i love you

dark materials

dear nobody,everybody, somebody, anybody & body

it has been a strange few days touched with a scent of otherworldliness. First there was the unusually deep meditation of sunday which J seemed to experience too. No light or loving or illusionary but painful and heavy. Then moonday came over like cold grey moorish mist and settled dully obscuring the passage of time. Yes autumn has arrived oppresively. It is no wonder to me now that the northern peoples are more solitary inward looking people and the equatorials more physical and emotionally expansive.

Then the evening suddenly seemed to close in around me like a cage; not depressive, but alert and dark like an omen. Before going to bed I received an unwanted invitation that took me some time inwardly to transmogrify to humour and acceptance. But after doing that I couldn't fall asleep. I went back to my early childhood days in a way never experienced before. I examined my most distressing fears and sweet victories and also my relationship with my parents, and came to some new awareness about it all. Then I started to dream and in the morning i repeated the same dream over and over, unable to escape it. It didn't make sense, was not creative and had something to do with money. When I woke up I was sick with flu and still am as i write this. All hopes of tasting a fine bottle of tempranillo red vino tonight sadly blocked; an old man's cough and sore bones my only companion. At least the sun came to attend sunset just now for a change. Let us hope strength will return to me soon, because this time marks the end/begining of a cycle.

mucously yours
p

THE JUDGEMENT OF KING WEN:

62. PAYING ATTENTION TO SMALL THINGS
Humility, Severe Circumspection And Meticulous Attention To Detail Will Bring You A Success. It Is Not The Time, To Try Grand Projects. His Conservative And Work At Small Efforts. His On Your Best Conduct. Avoid Conflict And Over-Assertiveness. Frugality And Reverence Are In Order Now.

THE COMMENTARY OF THE DUKE OF CHOU:
Line 2: Although You Have No Reliable Followers, Will Be OK, As Long As You Dealings With Modesty And Respect.

from Dirk Gently's I-Ching Calculator

weekend

Fun saterday night and very nice sontag meditation :)

where i'm going is anybody's guess

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How ev'rything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

Sunday faces

The nicest part of today was just sitting in the car outside the enge shopping complex and watching people(and their dogs) coming and going with their sunday faces and routines. somehow it was so familiar and intimate to see this. I guess how people look and behave on a sunday morning is much truer to who they really are inside. And seeing two beautiful dogs i realized i really miss having a dog. mmm must remember to get: dog, girlfriend, big kitchen for cooking with wok ;)

Also did my taxes today. Damn why do i have to make so much money to give away ;)

ground hog day

it seems to me few people want to discover new things or live new adventures. We just want to live the same day over and over as long as we're comfortable. No change please, give me more of the same. I can always go into the past if i want some action.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by
the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Discover.

-- Mark Twain

indians bring a summer week

today there were yellow sun swords aplenty...nice and hot. I was cutting wood in our garden - my garten-gym around sunset. And when i had sat down afterwards to enjoy the sunset over the lake and the quiet little forest around me, i heard a scuffling noise in the bushes. Low down, nuzzling its way through the plantfloor came a very curious looking animal. I was sitting very quietly so it didn't see me. It was a very careful, spiny and 'nosy' little brown animal. 'Sir hedgehog i presume', i said. But it didn't reply and just mozied back into the woods after a quick look around.

I picked one up before in the street, but it was small and sick. This one was a big old timer, i think, who came to check out was i was doing messing around in his garten ;)

Existe una forma de saber si ya cumpliste tu misión en la vida. Si sigues vivo es porque aún no la cumpliste.

Here is a test. To find out whether your mission on earth is finished: If you are still alive, it is not. -- Richard Bach in Illusions

white panda blues

ah my panda car is nearly ready to face the swiss RPB test. that's the Road Perfection Brigade. It seems one is unlikely to pass the vehicle test if you bring your car in yourself. I found that out practically. No, you need to pay the garage to do it for you. So luckily my panda ended up with a good car doctor and he fixed her most glaring faults and even volunteered to take her into battle next week. so much for DIY. well at least i de-rusted and spray painted her.

Feeling very sanguine lately

The ancient greeks developed the idea of the 4 humours - sanguine, melancholic, choleric, and phlegmatic. Now i wonder how our modern word humorous became associated with just one of the original, namely sanguine, but i sure as hell need more of this humor right now. I'll relate a vague personal story to show i might b on the right path :P I recently really really wanted 'something' from a someone; and, well, someone else got what i want and i, i received 2 beer glasses as 'consolation prize'(troosprys). I proceded to use them to get drunk over the span of two weeks but it's only recently that i've seen the humourous irony of the gift. Humour in disaster. haha. And don't get me wrong, i love my beer glasses...even more now. well i have to, they're all i've got ;)

a spy in the house of many loves

The enemy of love is never outside,
it´s what we lack in ourselves.
- Anais Nin

luana's work

Luana

goes foteli hunting after





Finn

it's raining again...

a 'curl up before the fire' day. I don't normally like to talk about meditation but today was interesting. To see some of the phases i go through while meditating: getting comfortable, cycling through recent events, fantasy, doing techniques, concentration,etc. and then suddenly one realises this traffic of inner voices and events and then the 'real' meditation starts :) today it only happened right at the end and then such energy come into play it was hard for me to stop at the end of the hour. phew.

But where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed
Won't you tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to look inside your head...
- Peter Sarstedt

geil parade

with the help of group energy, some mdma, and techno vibes we had a great time. Some dj's really know their stuff. Here,s a pic of me dressed up for the revelry:


& one i took later of Nicole, Jan & Alex.

street parade

tomorrow is the yearly street parade. a million half-clad gyrating bodies following the tecno piper, and yours truly hopefully leaving his reasonable senses and trousers at home to crawl on different senses.

Yesterday jazz sounds came wafting from the lake to my window and today some reggae sounds. tomorrow it will just be the techno drum drone blasting bodies around ;) c u der.

drunk

today while travelling for some time on the trams and trains, i looked into every face possible, into the eyes of every person around me. i saw no one really alive except the old man on the bridge selling the 'homeless' newspaper. at one stage on a tram their was a vicious fight between two old 'whores' about money. few people noticed or reacted, and the driver of the tram, a woman, came to the back to get them out. i am a dead man living in the land of the dead. only the mountains here are alive. the mountains and animals... and young children.

i guess it says as much of me as of anything else.

sontag zazen

This morning something special happened during our sunday morning meditation. for the first time i stopped trying to medidate and just sat. sit. sat. i read about the zen practice of 'sitting' but i never understood untill today :) and what is strange is that when i started to 'sit' i started to float and fly. curious curious world.

i also did a dreamlike ceremony but about that i cannot write yet.

He who controls others may be powerful,
but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.
-- Lau Tsu

custom open air

Yesterday was the annual gabler open air kino night. A very nice idea to have the whole building together for a outdoor movie night which is shown big on the wall of the neighbouring building. We braai'ed, and watched the classic Bladerunner... with some loud fireworks thrown in because 1st of august is switzerland's national day.

cine paradiso

from one of the greatest paul movies of all time :) ..director's cut. And the music is bellisima tambien.

ALFREDO: I want to make you happy, Toto! I'm going to tell you a story.

Once upon a time a king gave a feast and there were all the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Basta, one of the guards, saw the king's daughter: she was the loveliest of all! And he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do compared with a king's daughter?!...One day he managed to meet her and told her he couldn't live without her. The princess was so struck by the depth of his feeling that she said to the soldier 'If you will wait a hundred days and a hundred nights beneath my balcony, then in the end I'll be yours.' Christ, the soldier ran off there and waited! One day, two days, ten, twenty...Every night she looked out of her window, but he never budged. Come rain, wind, snow, never budged! The birds shat on him and the bees ate him alive! After ninety nights he was gaunt and pale and tears streamed from his eyes but he couldn't hold them back. He didn't even have the strength to sleep any more. The princess kept watch...And on the ninety-ninth night, the soldier got up, picked up his chair and left!

And don't ask me what it means. If you figure it out, let me know...

way of viaobuntu

I installed and am tweaking my new linux ubuntu operating system. this release is called the hoary hedgehog. it's great and i think i'll stick with it. bye bye windows. otherwise i'm a bit sad and just working on all sorts of things from cars to floors to websites to keep myself occupied.

Please don't pass me by

Last night i (telescopically speaking that is) studied the moon in a little better detail than before. amazing the craters and 'seas'. it takes a long time to get to know someone, and the moon.

Cohen: "I don't think too much. I never think, to tell you the truth. My own personal life is chaotic. Anybody who looks at my own personal life will come to the conclusion, rapidly, that I don't think at all. There's a kind of interior urgency about all things, as I see it. And I respond to it. I generally respond to it, in real life, in exactly the wrong way of doing things. As a friend of mine once said, 'Now Leonard, are you sure you're doing the wrong thing.' I hardly have a thought in my head. Something happens, you know, and I have to answer it with a poem or a song or my own work. I don't know a thing about love."

top heavy strains the back

must i learn to stand and walk again? me, an old man! yes Saul saith the lorD, nevermind once laddy, for unless ye be born again every day or every hour ye shall become an old and dry stick, no good for anything but firewood.
ok lorD but i find it quite funny to learn such a trick as an older dog.

When gods die, they always die many kinds of death. Nietzsche from Thus spake Zarathustra

summer, fall, winter, spring

Jan and me went to watch an outdoor film at the filmfluss open air kino - www.filmfluss.ch. What a way to watch a movie, on the banks of the schöni letten rivier with the moon and jupiter setting behind the screen as the movie ran. And it was a very good movie as well. About the life of a buddhist monk living with his teacher in a small monastry in the middle of a lake. Extraordinary cinematography.

asi es, asi fue, asi sera,si o no..claro que si

"Quiero estar junto a la persona que amo.
No quiero saber el precio que habré de pagar.
No quiero saber si será bueno o malo para mi vida.
No quiero saber si esa persona me quiere o no
Lo único que necesito, lo único que deseo, es estar cerca de la persona que amo.
- de la obra La buena alma de Tse-Chuang, de Bertold Brecht

my girl in the moon

as i was walking home just now, with my telescope in my hand and thinking of the little prince and his quest, would you believe, a fox ran across the road in front of me. yes i know i should have spoken to him, but i was too surprised to see a fox in the city. hopefully we will meet again. a fox is a good friend to have and gives good advice on flowers... ;)

turning and turning

yesterday the sun turned and a great yellow moon rose nonchalant. In a few days 3 planets gather together on the horizon. what does this mean for my life, for others' life? tonight i feel empty and full. i love her. lets drink another beer boys.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
....

-- extract from the Second Coming, W. B. Yeats

in bed

with a paticularly noxious stomach and bowel demon which turns my nights into sweat, pain and dream inducing rollarounds ;)

Maybe one needs a warm heart to lie. for many years and to a large degree still i couldn't lie and didn't like too. i can control my feelings. It's true that often lying is the easy way out. but i now think it can also be a hard and caring thing to do...especially when it's not easy, for example the nazis nock on your door and your hiding fugitives, or your girlfriend asks if her new hairstyle looks good ;)

in one sense lying is part of communication and lying with your whole heart under difficult circumstances is sometimes the most caring thing to do. sorry mom ;)
actually 'just like anything else' it isn't an either/or thing. There's truth and lies in every statement of ours and just the balance between them varies.

professor meta
chao

happy hitchhiking Douglas

flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Deadlines.... how I love the whooshing sound they make as they rush past.

--Douglas Adams

1001 wakeups

Last night felt really really loooong. I had never turned around so much..from side to side, to back, to stomach, to side...must be because my back is sore. I also had some strange dreams and then in the middle of the night there was a terrific thunderstorm with great lightning. Now that was lessig.

Oh yes and today i get my new old panda...that is a fiat panda to flee with to the mountains :)

in the longing of perfection lies our fulfillment

You tell me that you fear love; why, my little one? Do you fear the light of the sun? Do you fear the ebb and the flow of the sea? Do you fear the dawning of the day? Do you fear the advent of spring? I wonder why you fear love?
...
Oh, Mary, do not fear love; do not fear love, friend of my heart. We must surrender to it in spite of what it may bring in the way of pain, of desolation, of longing, and in spite of all the perplexity and bewilderment.

--Kahlil Gibran

the d.evil

Had a very strange dream. A figure appeared seemingly evil, with a hideous visage with no skin. I became as angry(..or fearful?) as never before and cast all my energy (spells?) to destroy him. but try as i might my hands could only move in slow motion and i couldn't see if i was having any effect on him. He seemed to say that he was winning because my heart had already become like him, full of anger and hate. i woke up fearing something was trying to take over my soul.

A man dreamed a dream, and when he awoke he went to his soothsayer and desired that his dream be made plain unto him.

And the soothsayer said to the man, "Come to me with the dreams that you behold in your wakefulness and I will tell you their meaning. But the dreams of your sleep belong neither to my wisdom nor to your imagination." --Khalil Gibran

The Queen of Swords

The Crystallizer or The Judgment. It is the watery quality of air, representative of its elasticity and transmissive power...it cuts through the masks and securities of the old world. The vision of this card is far-sighted and cannot be trapped by the illusions of the present. The Queen of Swords is symbolic of risk-taking by the acceptance of new roles and the breaking of old habits. In doing so, lies the promise of understanding and liberation.

the Queen of Swords is associated with Atalanta, the gifted huntress and athletic heroine of Greek legend who went to great lengths in order to avoid marriage, challenging each potential suitor to outpace her in a foot race. :)

the moon's faces

Emotions confused, frantic, and skewed, deception; "moonstruck."

A day not easily describable, emotionally quite unstable, but one in which the experience of oneness&noneness came to me at its end in an unexpected, effortless and beautiful way.

doa, paradise and the river

so this is my latest treatise on good and evil, the dao and the absolute.
in the garden of eden man indeed became free like goD, and so 'evil' appeared(although of course the process had been there from the start).

The river, the dao,goD flows and we are in it, a part of it. but since we are becoming more free, aware, god-like we also to shape the river we are in with our desires. Some more skillfully than others but all contributing to the river and in fact we are the river. We may exhaust ourselves directly against it(so called evil) or flow with it, or anything in between and all our actions influence it. Though in the end all flows to the sea and in the beginning from the sea. So it is and goes.

You can be more like goD or less, move up or down, towards love or indifference, build or break, joy or pain, more intelligent or idiotic. But we remain in the body of goD. As a cell it is easier to move and work with the whole and the purpose of the whole, and yet to go against it is also part of it. Death and life, good and evil - the eternal dance.

a time for everything

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

--leonard cohen the master

zuval

What can i say. This friday was one of the strangest days in a very long time. A day of heat, accidents, irritation and up and down emotions. This saturday by contrast was a relief - a day of beauty.

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? --Blake

writing and being written

we are part of a destiny, a bigger whole, of cycles(which perhaps we call time). But we also create the story. our lives are co-creations of stories. becoming and being, space and time, past and now.

The man who sees [the primordial and natural] elements as functional parts of a cosmic whole, harmonized by outwardly complex, yet inherebtly simple laws of "functional coherency", overcomes fear. -- Dane Rudhyar (the astrologoy of personality p.67)

just now

Santiago comes for a visit and the moon is beautiful tonight starring close to jupiter in the almost summer sky.

up early

really extra-ordinary night. i can only remember the last one but it feels like my sleep overfowed with unusual dreams this night.

aerial dance

today while laying in my hamaca i watched an extraordinary beautiful dance. two butterflies where fighting or courting above and around me in a small piece of forest. I watched them for more than 10 minutes. They circled and swooped around each other in a mesmerizing pattern of very tight circles and ovals. i wass spellbound.

grey..t time

on the weekend a friend of a 2 of my housemates died in an accident. A difficult thing for them to accept. The scales seems to have been haeavy on the side of death the last few months. Last night a had a series of very unusual dreams. I dreamt of my friend Karl. Or rather i spoke to him. In some dreams his parents and sister were there and others my sister and friends. The feeling was very unusual. He or the dreams explained to me what death is. I can't describe it fully but he acted somewhat like a robot. His heart was gone. He showed no emotions. Like a zombie, a grey ghost or pattern of who he was. His family was still very sad and i was sorry they had to see me and him again and bring all the emotions back up.

Perhaps it also happened because i was thinking of what part of us survived death before i went to sleep. I 'know' at the deapest we are all one and those eyes are ever seeing, but what about the younger pattern of paul or even paul at 35. Before i thought that gets lost, but the deeper aspects might aslo be carried over to a next form of life. Body gets carried over in DNA so why not soul. Perhaps not an exact copy(as in genetics) but some core features gathered in many lives. perhaps this the thought lead to the series of dreams.

a few unfinished thoughts

...not entirely original but with own 'twist':

i think time is feminine and dancing. Also that irrational numbers in mathematics are feminine and dancing towards infinity. Feminine is the ever changing and testing and male is whole numbers and fractions and doesn't exist in time. I think male and female are not equal. that's a political correct idealism. but they are complements like positive and negative. their is a deep mystery in sex when the two unite.

i think people who die live on inside us, the same with the past selves of ourself and those of others. At death the dance ends, but the dancer not. Weakness and strength, courage and fear, they are present in every act of ours.

snowboard himmel

Went skiing with Richard on wednesday at Engelberg. What a great sunny day up among the white giants. And for the first time i managed to snowboard without looking at my feet or in front of me. i just let go and trusted my body. a bit like skiing with eyes closed. but that doesn't mean i didn't walk like a very old man the next day :)

early morning sounds

i'm not especially an early morning riser. but i've realised this morning that there are few things more beautiful than the day waking up. the meditative and repetitive night sounds mingles and gives way to the sleepy and chirpy sounds of purpose. or in plains words, those night crickets and little birds waking up sound damn beautiful lying in my warm bed:) goood morning

the borg were right

resistance is futile

playing with Jan and Finn

sunshine & braai

Yesterday we had our first 'summer' braai and i introduced the swissies to safrica's favourite weekend activity.

"I have been having some trouble with a flower," said the little prince.
"Ah!" said the snake.
And they were both silent.
"Where are the men?" the little prince at last took up the conversation again. "It is a little lonely in the desert . . ."
"It is also lonely among men," the snake said.
.......
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

internet lighter than air

ich bin jetz on-li..air. sitting in my garden and working while looking at the lake is not bad. if it wasn't for the smell of cow manure things would be perfect,)

coming soon...

today is so beautiful and warm outside
it gives me hope for months to come:)

moving day

on this strange and shreckliche tag it comes to me that perhaps i've been a believer in that mesmerizing us dream - that anything is possible and the 'greatest' best. perhaps it has some truth to it. i just need to reformulate it for my never resting mind: to naturally go for the best but accept all outcomes and in betweens like a stone swimming upstream in a river;)

ah my dear buddhist friends, and american friends, and mexican and african and swiss. it is as it is, and i'm being very abstract today. avoiding emotions i guess. getting lost in abstractions and work always helps. why do i find it so easy to judge and so difficult to forgive? i just need a good drink i think. schoni tag vor alle.

mio dios mio. asi es, asi fue. si o no? claro que siyyyy! ;)

a heavy heart

l i f e, love, pain, a funeral, 
a purple flower
to try and catch them in my big net
 of why
haha
 ha ha haha
 haha ha ha
 ha ha ha heee hooo
(i suddenly laugh 
                  at my 
I NNO CENT Mission)
                        It is!!
                                 im- 
possible?
         but
 trying
 is a WaY
of lOvE
& these words:
play, 
eternal 
        y
         a
         pl
        ay
ee.
    ---------

today i was
a poor lover
a sad child
a wonderfilled fiend
tonight
the snow falls heavy.
----------

kitchen life

Yesterday i made rusks and today i baked my first ever banana bread:o
hmm now i can bake, i have long hair...remind me why i need a girlfriend anymore? ;)

Had a tiring and very interesting aikido session. Learnt about inviting my opponent, being open and moving from my center. How well i've learnt to be defensive. Now to unlearn.

Tomorrow is N's dad's funeral. I go to bed with heavy dreams ahead.

the moon wanes

There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.
Friedrich Nietzsche

the toa

What is here, this natural state, is a living thing. It cannot be captured by me, let alone by you. It's like a flower. (This simile is all I can give.) It just blooms. It's there. As long as it is there, it has a fragrance which is different and distinct from that of every other flower. You may not recognize it. You may or may not write odes or sonnets about it. A wandering cow might eat it, or it may be chopped down by a haycutter, or it fades and is finished -- that's the end of it. It's of no importance. You can't preserve its perfume; whatever you preserve of this is only a synthetic, a chemical perfume, not the living thing. Preserving the expressions, teachings or words of such a man has no meaning. This state has only contemporary value, contemporary expression.

-u.g. khrisnamurti

new site look!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after long nights the new site is up. i just had to improve the navigation. now if only i could do this with my life;)
Here's a pic from my window. It just started snowing again:)

prayer from Jan

We give thanks for our friends.
We anger each other.
We fail each other.
We share this sad earth, this tender life, this precious time.
Such richness. Such wildness.
Together we are blown about.
Together we are dragged along.
All this delight.
All this suffering.
All this forgiving life.
We hold it together. (© Michael Leunig)

the death of theory

“The years are flying past and we all waste so much time wondering if we dare to do this or that. The things is to leap, to try, to take a chance.” -L Cohen

get the balance right

i guess there are two important things regarding development. How much we develop in one aspect and how well we use or intergrate all the aspects we already have. The more stable/powerful is of course to have things in balance and the more risky/adventurous is to put all your effort into a few areas.

what does is profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul

dreams of no return

i had some very vivid dreams last night. in one i went back to safrica and my parents' home, but didn't go inside the house. when my father and family came out i went closer to kiss him hello, but then unexpectedly stopped just before his face and said the word "totsiens"(goodbye) instead of hello. it just slipped out and i was embarressed and not sure what he would do. then i stayed in an outside room and one by one my family came to talk with me and only at the end my aunt and mother. she seemed distant, sullen. usually she is so excited when i come back.

in the other dream i kissed N hello at the coming wedding. and we couldn't stop and just started kissing very passionately and intense. over and over i dreamed this last sequence each time with a variation.

the (h)art of communication

today i physically participated in my first aikido class. my whole life seems to have revolved around 2 things..no 3,) - to find my/the center, to learn to communicate better, and not to be afraid. in aikido the same lesson continues and draws in also my body and 'body' center.

The snows continues to fall here. I love it. Cycling nearly alone at night through the white city is a meditation.

Many other things happened today but that's all i want to write.

The Art of Peace begins with you. Work on yourself and your appointed task in the Art of Peace. Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow. You are here for no other purpose than to realize your inner divinity and manifest your innate enlightenment. Foster peace in your own life and then apply the Art to all that you encounter
- Morehei Ueshiba

ich bin jetz online!!

permanently connected at last. hello world:)
today zurich turned into a white wonderland again. it's always a nice surprise to wake up to such a sudden change in scenery.

Rhythm of the night

Last night was cool. The drummers and dancers from here and africa certainly beat out the right rhythms. There's something very powerful in rhytms/cycles. I miss hearing the african drums at night.

Life is rhythm
At the heart of every life form there is rhythm. Movement, flow, change, renewal and repe-tition are all based in rhythm. It is only in rhythm, that we can experience time. Without vibration, without oscillation, there is statis. There is nothing. Stability and solidity are illusions. Everything oscillates and vibrates – from the bridge of steel and concrete, to the energy shells around an atom. Even colors oscillate at different frequencies. We recognize and experience our world through rhythm. Everything vibrates – everything „speaks“. It is, in essence, a universe of sound.
-http://www.touch-the-sound.com/

all world's a stage

Image, like Shakespeare did, that we are all actors/actresses in goD's play(maybe Dante too). Then the more we realise this and discover the possibilities available to us on this stage(how it works), the more we can choose our roles/acts and scenes. Well some things have of course already been determined, such as the entrance place and 'mask' of our character and the general rules of the stage and behaviour of the other players around us. In my imagination this of course leaves little room for morality, but this is something i have suspected occasionally when drunk. So with this knowledge, we forget the shoulds and shouldn'ts, see the past as ...in the last episode, and choose or accept our roles and play them with as much fun or drama as any hollowwood movie star. so are the days of our lives...

any flaws in this view?:)

shiatsu dream

Had a very powerful dream last night that woke me up and left me thinking for a long time. In it were me, my father and brother, and my search for a soulmate. So going into and around the body wakes up the inner and past emotions

gO and shiatsu

shiatsu with Sakura. what an experience! thanks for the great present Jan & Alex. i can't believe it took me so long to do something like this. a great addition to meditation and sex:)

It made me think and feel various things - who am i; the invisible flow of ki; she had the hands of my mother and strong too; the royalty of the feet, the vulnerability of the neck, the difference between the right and the left of the body. i could go on for hours about these themes but won't bore you :)

see http://gobase.org to learn what gO is. a great game.

way of harmony of chi

i went to 2 aikido classess the last few days. i like it a lot. now i understand why they call it the art of communication. it's an awareness ballet.

i thought of something. when one has a new insight, a revelation, then it doesn't mean that truth is suddenly realized in life. one must then go back (down) and lay the lower path leading (up) to that vision. as krishnamurti said..the first step is the last step. it seems to me before we can actualize the higher life senses we first need to go back (down) and make sure the most basic things are in balance. our instincts, our gut feelings, body movement, our sexual mind, familial relations, and then only can the higher senses of emotion, thought, transpersonal awareness be used sustainably. only from the valley can the mountain be climbed?:)

small tale of power

in mexico i was thinking the whole time of power. what is true power? In a sense the word says what it is: a certain potential available to shape or experience life.
- Firstly, this energy can be excersized in different spheres of life: political, familial, physical, psychological etc.
- It can also differ in permanence, i.e., inherited or delegated power can be lost, bullets can be used up, but the ability to shoot is longer lasting. (Thus the ability to withstand time).
- Then there is the matter of control and intent. How efficient/loving/good is the power used. How much money or energy is wasted in the use thereof?

Maybe it just comes down to what wilber defines as the highest morality: the greatest power is power that is excersized over the greatest depth for the greatest span.

That's fine for theory but something i thought of yesterday is that the greatest power one can have is just to be/become your whole Self. This power seems to me personal and so very important. It is lasting because it cannot be taken away even by time, and it's intent and control is just to the best of your ability because it emerges from your whole being. Of course this is the trick, that we must act from our whole Self, not only our mind or feelings or body or gut or intuition, but with our whole soul. well this might also wrong:) chao

tears for the dead and the living dead on a glorious day

i dreamt a funeral for my dead friend Karl. His parents were there and many old friends and for some strange reason some of many family as well. At some stage it also felt like there was a session were friends apologised for the things they did against him. It was a long process and at the end I couldn't keep my feelings under control anymore and started crying unconsolably and tried to hide it. I guess my dreams have to cry for me if I won't.

So if men don't want to talk about feelings they talk about the weather(or sports). The last few days here have been a mini spring right in the middle of winter. the sun is shining onto my desk and even my cold heart cannot help feeling a smile. it's a glorious day weatherwise:)

earth's birthday

New year/silvester at grindelwald at the J. family chalet in the mountains. A remote wooden village covered in soft snow at the foot of ancient rock monoliths that guard the southern sky - the wetterhorn, eiger and schrekhorn. There is only direct sun from around 11 to 1. Great food, schlitteling, go and sheber games, and stranger friends taking a break in this white pond before joining the grey rush of mad life again. oh and interesting snowboarding. a bit like my life at the moment. a little zen, great beauty around me, and lots of frustrating struggling on steep slopes. why me lord.. Coming back to Zurich, the air was just hanging around and social junk communication competed for my eyes and mind again. A grau depression seeped up my legs, which only the familie K. could mitigate.