now mirror

meditation is a simple process but hard initially. it does not prescribe morals or make judgements about what matters or what not :) meditation is being aware of what is. when it realises awareness is lost it gently returns there. inititally meditation is like a mirror. when we use it, it reflects to us what we are. we see our compulsive thoughts, daydreams, dreams, sleep, guilt, body, peace, anger, beliefs, impatience etc. eventually we let go of our fears, start trusting and enjoy our place in the harmony of all. easy hih ;)

so that's whats been bothering me

... meditating again :)) & that undresses the wholeworld

uh was a little too fast saying i am surfing the internet. Well in some ways we are because it is actually, like water, only under my boat and therefore it might be more correct to say we a floating on the internet. and sometimes the tide leaves us quite stranded too. well at least i'm on(the)line :P

wellwishes to Nicole who is somewhere in India
& b carefull owtdare fellow lilanauts, remember the ma(ya)trix is the world that has been pulled over our eyes :)

moonrise tonight:

what's in a boats name

i finally decided to name my boat kayalila. How did this happen? Well I always liked lila but somehing was missing. Then last week R. who builds the boat alongside said my boat looked like kayalitsha (refering to the torn tarpaulin over her that gave her something of a shantytown look). I liked the name which means 'new home' but not quite. Then H. suggested i just name her Kaya and this I liked too but it's a bit too common. But then the idea came to me to merge Kaya with Lila and so have the home of play, or enlightened play or body/form of play or sweet mary jane lila or rich and creamy divine play :o or in Japanese, summer night of
Lila.

Thula klizeo nala pasa kaya
Thula klizeo nala pasa kaya
Hey kaya, nala pasa kaya
Hey kaya, nala pasa kaya

("Be still my heart, for even here I am home.")
- Joseph Shabalala

Let's go surfin' now

... everybody's learning how
Come on and safari with me ..

today my boat joined the internet and now we can already surf a little ;) A name for her hasn't come to me yet. I've considered Lila - (meaning cosmic play in sanskrit) and kaya (meaning home in zulu, body in sanskrit, and in the carribean either enlightenment and marijuana ;) or kayalitsha (meaning new home). In darker moods i also think of names like daemon or beyond or swartswartsee. She has a new spray dodger and doorway but this is not quite finished off so i will postpone pics till then.

cameras hold .... action!

Today by co-incidence the actors and actressess (those getting paid) arrived in the boatyard along with a large entourage of police officials who seem to be starring with them in the film. This was the most police officials i have seen together in one place. Co-incidentaly someone told me about a robbery this morning in claremont. So while the cops were trying their hand at acting the robbers were acting out of/their hand. viva s-africa. So they came - the hip, the fast and the weird. Another sunny day flies past. Oh and i heard yesterday from my far-off friends and two of the most beautiful woman north of the alps ;) i miss you. Alas the boat is moving forward slowly or fast depending on which world you view it from.

And fin.ally to end my song on acting I urge you to follow the rabbit(white) and refer you to northern exposure, season two, episode 6, WAR AND PEACE. (to those of you you haven't seen this series several times, my condolences and try to live a little in your next live). Ok I leave that to you deareader. As Marilyn says in said episode, why don't we move on to the next scene, it's a pretty good one :) hail NE

Mo Ra Luh Ti tee tieh tittititititii ti tat diid tata tutarratatat pa ta ...

Today the antarctic has sent us a little storm to rip the sails from our masts :)

Actually what i had wanted to write about yesterday was the ending of morality and guilt. One would think violence increases without morality (as some vehemently accuse) but i suspect it is just the opposite. Although it is so that morality also has the function of ordering social interaction. I would argue that being without morals doesn't mean being without awareness/empathy/love. Perhaps the morals exist as part of complex relationships, inside and out, but being 'without' morals means one is free to adjust, choose, create morals that fit the moment/situation. - And God realized that the moment they eat of the fruit of the tree of good and evil they would be like them. And so it came, guilt and shame and awareness, but not yet the skill to handle this power. So perhaps i shouldn't(should i ;) speak of the END of morality but rather similiar to Nietzsche of the (OVER)CUMMING of morality. No longer do I drown and choke in the maelstrom of being-interactions, of musts and needs, cravings and shouldnt's, past regrets and future obligations. Rather i watch with awareness and swim, dive, float and play in and with these interactions without letting them sweep me along. "Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. therefore i watch my fear or morality and allow it to pass over and through me and where it has gone one i turn the inner eye and see that is has gone" (paraphrase from herbert's dune). But before more.allah.ti can thus cum or be overCum the silence within m...ust!?,should?,has to? arise, in the mind, awareness in the body. um looks like language also has to! be overcome. Let's re-over-phrase.
aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuoooommmmmmmmmmmm. aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuoooommmmmmmmmmmm. aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuoooommmmmmmmmmmm.

cuming soon herr wilhelm sheikspeer

summer tiiime and the living is eeeeaaasyyy .. well just for a day here in ct.

a quick crypt.ik wizOh from doC sigh.kollow.gisT relating to projecta-therapi x.pounded on in last issue. how does one know when something isn't projecting but just plain the other bastards' problem? The degree of accompanying emotion is often a good indicator that the mote is on my s(l)ide and not in the other eyi, e.g. we should bomb the lot now and wipe them out, usually means i have some issues. (you too dick)

On a related note ... I'm struggling with the concept of morality, shame/guilt and violence at the moment. i think they are in.time.ate.ly related. The contrasts in s-africa and myself are really extreme.
On the old hand i found s-africa has up to present been a space/time full of strict moral codes, extreme violence and extremely guilt/shame. me too.
Now i find a beautiful flowering (to me) of people who speak out about the level of violence, who disregard the old morality, the fucking f-word, are wary of ow.thorough.terri.anism and embrace sex.u.all di.versity. sssssssxxxxxxsssssuuuuuaaalllclitoriscuntmasturbationpenisanalkakloveinlovetonguenakederectiondischargesementitssadoscrotumblowjobearnecrofilialkissamritapornoslutlipsuterussmellsucklickfuckfuckfuck
blissssssss. They also seem to have a more humourful style in general, i.e. less anal.e retentive :)

It seems to me these approaches can be categorizzzd as the the fearful(vrees) vs the free(vry) approach. The fearful sees demons, dangers and darkness lurking everywhere and therefore covers, hides and restricts(spitts out, lots of drama).
The free sees power, potential, possibilitites and there fore innovates, investigates and in.spires(breathes in, becomes aware)

Changing tack slightly and hitting a squal ;) ... i find this earth(or myself) to be an extremely deluded sad and fearful place just recently. It seems to me zat urfpeepil waste their lives chained like slaves to dead moments. We are bad actors who don't even now we are acting. Haha. we are the cheapest actors in the universe. Any alien race (like the adamisian mice for example ;) could just come here, create a little script and film it for audiences back home(sirius6?). want mindless violence. we've got it. naive flagellation. bingo. timesaving devices that waste time. say no more. hippies chanelling nirvana. heehaa.(i've offended even myself now ;) And they won't even have to pay for it because we are blisslessly and disastrously unaware we are actors. in fact we are not aware of much at all and probably totally unaware that we already starred(xqz d pun) in 6 nebula award winning films (in the betelguese star cluster (know for their love of the tragi-trashy-comico-politico-dark-soapy-slapstick genre)). Maybe this explains why actors and actressess are such stars on this planet. they give us the opportunity to be actors acting that we are watching actors acting us acting we are not acting. vivaaa ... vivaaa.. vivaaa dramaaaaah.

think how much fun we could have if we only realized we were actors. oh the roles and places we could see and be my son ... i said to the gelle bueb (yellow boy) or he to me.

btw. has anybody seen my soul, mate? :o

Projecta-therapy

So i return less often here now. I guess i feel more disconnected from the play of life than ever before. Don't misunderstand, I'm less morose than in many years and more positive, actually monitoring my negative inclinations. No this cavelike attitude may stem from a deeper source that began with, well perhaps with the death of Moyo, intensified at altitude in the southern mountains of switzerland and culminated on mount soleil's ... mindfuck. ah that was just to get you awake :)

One thing that i've become aware of lately is how easy it is to give oneself psychotherapy. really. Just write down all the things you recently felt bugs you about other people & life. And viola, there you have it. These are secretly the things YOU are frustated about that you do or don't. & to think i'm giving all this Ad.vice? 4 free ;)

I'm frustated that:
... there are not more people seeing through life's facade
Translation- I wish i'm not so often caught napping and totally missing the now.

...that there are so few woman taking risks and experimenting with new things
Translation- That i'm not acting risky and allowing different(from my ideals) woman into my life.

...that people are so 'scientific' and sceptical and stuck in their old paradigms
Translation- that i'm sceptical and negative and stuck in my old paradigm instead of trusting life to show me the way.

...that no one around me seems to speak 'my' language
Translation- problem is i think everyone has to 'speak' like me otherwise it's not worth the effort.

...that people still argue the whole time that they are right and others are wrong as in usa,muslims, christians, politicians,blacks,whites,poor, rich, woman, men, parents,children ...ad infinitum. Come on people can't we break through.
Translation: Come on Pauli, can't you accept everyone and everything are different. Good, evil, black,light, boring, adventurous. Stop trying to prove or defend anything and go beyond.

Chances are none of these things in others would bother me if I was happy with my own progress as paulgrimm ;)

v from the island of stadilie.ffih
love p
*hugs* giv woanderer mo *hugs*

king of router

yesterday i routered my first piece of wood. may neptune keep that whirling drill from decapitating me ;)

Bubble mania and other bar tales

Boat project update: As you can see from the pic I recently transformed my boat into a gift-wrapped package and as a result i'm now known down here as the Bubble man. haha. Reminds me of the bubble man from northern exposure. Well b-man is very happy with his contraption so far. I took an ol throwaway spinaker sail, some plastic sheeting, electrical conduit, donated front & back railings and voila - a climate controlled bubble enhancing productivity, moisture levels and temperature :) Now if the black south-easter will just let me keep it.

Last night I also found out that creating such a dry bubble in space quickly attracts lodgers. A mother and her kittens have taken asylum beneath bubble kingdom.

on another tack ;) I've realized something recently amongst people who see themselves as "scientific". They still try & persuade one to see the light of their logical, and superior way. Just like their predecessors, the "religious ones" whom they scorn and laugh at. Ah evolution's convolutions - the movie changes but he plot is still very similar. I find the "church of science" to be quite backwards in many respects. They miss so much of the bigger picture through their copious confidence and stilting cynicism. Yesterday i had an interesting thought in this regard. I wondered if i shouldn't just pick a place in my boat and start working on it. And then I realized that to start haphazardly without first having an adequate understanding of the WHOLE will result in much more work and expanse..uh expense later.

Well friends back to my studies then. May you all keep a positive outlook regardless of the current weather and try to give others confidence in themselves rather than just critizing or giving advice ..however well-intentioned.

back in time

so long i have meandered in time. here i am at last. now is. wake up. who are you? whoami? don't let some matrix be pulled over your eyes. anyway i've put new pics in the album as requested :)

Ave atque vale

the seagull has landed

Today the earth crossed into its spring/autumn quadrant around the sun and ... today my ship came in ;) that is my 36ft semi-built home. I'm relieved, exhausted and excited. Finally the creative effort can begin. Here she is being loaded and below her new resting place at the harbour.

seasick

I bought a yacht today. a semi-completed 36 foot(11m) L36.

sailing weekend

Around-the-island race

cape harbour

25 Des - 18 Jan
Work, quiet solitude, and looking at sailing yachts. When driving home on friday bloubergstrand was adorned with the coloured canopy's of 50+ kite surfers. An amazing site.