top heavy strains the back

must i learn to stand and walk again? me, an old man! yes Saul saith the lorD, nevermind once laddy, for unless ye be born again every day or every hour ye shall become an old and dry stick, no good for anything but firewood.
ok lorD but i find it quite funny to learn such a trick as an older dog.

When gods die, they always die many kinds of death. Nietzsche from Thus spake Zarathustra

summer, fall, winter, spring

Jan and me went to watch an outdoor film at the filmfluss open air kino - www.filmfluss.ch. What a way to watch a movie, on the banks of the schöni letten rivier with the moon and jupiter setting behind the screen as the movie ran. And it was a very good movie as well. About the life of a buddhist monk living with his teacher in a small monastry in the middle of a lake. Extraordinary cinematography.

asi es, asi fue, asi sera,si o no..claro que si

"Quiero estar junto a la persona que amo.
No quiero saber el precio que habré de pagar.
No quiero saber si será bueno o malo para mi vida.
No quiero saber si esa persona me quiere o no
Lo único que necesito, lo único que deseo, es estar cerca de la persona que amo.
- de la obra La buena alma de Tse-Chuang, de Bertold Brecht

my girl in the moon

as i was walking home just now, with my telescope in my hand and thinking of the little prince and his quest, would you believe, a fox ran across the road in front of me. yes i know i should have spoken to him, but i was too surprised to see a fox in the city. hopefully we will meet again. a fox is a good friend to have and gives good advice on flowers... ;)

turning and turning

yesterday the sun turned and a great yellow moon rose nonchalant. In a few days 3 planets gather together on the horizon. what does this mean for my life, for others' life? tonight i feel empty and full. i love her. lets drink another beer boys.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
....

-- extract from the Second Coming, W. B. Yeats

in bed

with a paticularly noxious stomach and bowel demon which turns my nights into sweat, pain and dream inducing rollarounds ;)

Maybe one needs a warm heart to lie. for many years and to a large degree still i couldn't lie and didn't like too. i can control my feelings. It's true that often lying is the easy way out. but i now think it can also be a hard and caring thing to do...especially when it's not easy, for example the nazis nock on your door and your hiding fugitives, or your girlfriend asks if her new hairstyle looks good ;)

in one sense lying is part of communication and lying with your whole heart under difficult circumstances is sometimes the most caring thing to do. sorry mom ;)
actually 'just like anything else' it isn't an either/or thing. There's truth and lies in every statement of ours and just the balance between them varies.

professor meta
chao

happy hitchhiking Douglas

flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Deadlines.... how I love the whooshing sound they make as they rush past.

--Douglas Adams

1001 wakeups

Last night felt really really loooong. I had never turned around so much..from side to side, to back, to stomach, to side...must be because my back is sore. I also had some strange dreams and then in the middle of the night there was a terrific thunderstorm with great lightning. Now that was lessig.

Oh yes and today i get my new old panda...that is a fiat panda to flee with to the mountains :)

in the longing of perfection lies our fulfillment

You tell me that you fear love; why, my little one? Do you fear the light of the sun? Do you fear the ebb and the flow of the sea? Do you fear the dawning of the day? Do you fear the advent of spring? I wonder why you fear love?
...
Oh, Mary, do not fear love; do not fear love, friend of my heart. We must surrender to it in spite of what it may bring in the way of pain, of desolation, of longing, and in spite of all the perplexity and bewilderment.

--Kahlil Gibran

the d.evil

Had a very strange dream. A figure appeared seemingly evil, with a hideous visage with no skin. I became as angry(..or fearful?) as never before and cast all my energy (spells?) to destroy him. but try as i might my hands could only move in slow motion and i couldn't see if i was having any effect on him. He seemed to say that he was winning because my heart had already become like him, full of anger and hate. i woke up fearing something was trying to take over my soul.

A man dreamed a dream, and when he awoke he went to his soothsayer and desired that his dream be made plain unto him.

And the soothsayer said to the man, "Come to me with the dreams that you behold in your wakefulness and I will tell you their meaning. But the dreams of your sleep belong neither to my wisdom nor to your imagination." --Khalil Gibran

The Queen of Swords

The Crystallizer or The Judgment. It is the watery quality of air, representative of its elasticity and transmissive power...it cuts through the masks and securities of the old world. The vision of this card is far-sighted and cannot be trapped by the illusions of the present. The Queen of Swords is symbolic of risk-taking by the acceptance of new roles and the breaking of old habits. In doing so, lies the promise of understanding and liberation.

the Queen of Swords is associated with Atalanta, the gifted huntress and athletic heroine of Greek legend who went to great lengths in order to avoid marriage, challenging each potential suitor to outpace her in a foot race. :)

the moon's faces

Emotions confused, frantic, and skewed, deception; "moonstruck."

A day not easily describable, emotionally quite unstable, but one in which the experience of oneness&noneness came to me at its end in an unexpected, effortless and beautiful way.

doa, paradise and the river

so this is my latest treatise on good and evil, the dao and the absolute.
in the garden of eden man indeed became free like goD, and so 'evil' appeared(although of course the process had been there from the start).

The river, the dao,goD flows and we are in it, a part of it. but since we are becoming more free, aware, god-like we also to shape the river we are in with our desires. Some more skillfully than others but all contributing to the river and in fact we are the river. We may exhaust ourselves directly against it(so called evil) or flow with it, or anything in between and all our actions influence it. Though in the end all flows to the sea and in the beginning from the sea. So it is and goes.

You can be more like goD or less, move up or down, towards love or indifference, build or break, joy or pain, more intelligent or idiotic. But we remain in the body of goD. As a cell it is easier to move and work with the whole and the purpose of the whole, and yet to go against it is also part of it. Death and life, good and evil - the eternal dance.

a time for everything

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

--leonard cohen the master

zuval

What can i say. This friday was one of the strangest days in a very long time. A day of heat, accidents, irritation and up and down emotions. This saturday by contrast was a relief - a day of beauty.

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? --Blake

writing and being written

we are part of a destiny, a bigger whole, of cycles(which perhaps we call time). But we also create the story. our lives are co-creations of stories. becoming and being, space and time, past and now.

The man who sees [the primordial and natural] elements as functional parts of a cosmic whole, harmonized by outwardly complex, yet inherebtly simple laws of "functional coherency", overcomes fear. -- Dane Rudhyar (the astrologoy of personality p.67)

just now

Santiago comes for a visit and the moon is beautiful tonight starring close to jupiter in the almost summer sky.

up early

really extra-ordinary night. i can only remember the last one but it feels like my sleep overfowed with unusual dreams this night.

aerial dance

today while laying in my hamaca i watched an extraordinary beautiful dance. two butterflies where fighting or courting above and around me in a small piece of forest. I watched them for more than 10 minutes. They circled and swooped around each other in a mesmerizing pattern of very tight circles and ovals. i wass spellbound.

grey..t time

on the weekend a friend of a 2 of my housemates died in an accident. A difficult thing for them to accept. The scales seems to have been haeavy on the side of death the last few months. Last night a had a series of very unusual dreams. I dreamt of my friend Karl. Or rather i spoke to him. In some dreams his parents and sister were there and others my sister and friends. The feeling was very unusual. He or the dreams explained to me what death is. I can't describe it fully but he acted somewhat like a robot. His heart was gone. He showed no emotions. Like a zombie, a grey ghost or pattern of who he was. His family was still very sad and i was sorry they had to see me and him again and bring all the emotions back up.

Perhaps it also happened because i was thinking of what part of us survived death before i went to sleep. I 'know' at the deapest we are all one and those eyes are ever seeing, but what about the younger pattern of paul or even paul at 35. Before i thought that gets lost, but the deeper aspects might aslo be carried over to a next form of life. Body gets carried over in DNA so why not soul. Perhaps not an exact copy(as in genetics) but some core features gathered in many lives. perhaps this the thought lead to the series of dreams.

a few unfinished thoughts

...not entirely original but with own 'twist':

i think time is feminine and dancing. Also that irrational numbers in mathematics are feminine and dancing towards infinity. Feminine is the ever changing and testing and male is whole numbers and fractions and doesn't exist in time. I think male and female are not equal. that's a political correct idealism. but they are complements like positive and negative. their is a deep mystery in sex when the two unite.

i think people who die live on inside us, the same with the past selves of ourself and those of others. At death the dance ends, but the dancer not. Weakness and strength, courage and fear, they are present in every act of ours.

snowboard himmel

Went skiing with Richard on wednesday at Engelberg. What a great sunny day up among the white giants. And for the first time i managed to snowboard without looking at my feet or in front of me. i just let go and trusted my body. a bit like skiing with eyes closed. but that doesn't mean i didn't walk like a very old man the next day :)

early morning sounds

i'm not especially an early morning riser. but i've realised this morning that there are few things more beautiful than the day waking up. the meditative and repetitive night sounds mingles and gives way to the sleepy and chirpy sounds of purpose. or in plains words, those night crickets and little birds waking up sound damn beautiful lying in my warm bed:) goood morning