small tale of power

in mexico i was thinking the whole time of power. what is true power? In a sense the word says what it is: a certain potential available to shape or experience life.
- Firstly, this energy can be excersized in different spheres of life: political, familial, physical, psychological etc.
- It can also differ in permanence, i.e., inherited or delegated power can be lost, bullets can be used up, but the ability to shoot is longer lasting. (Thus the ability to withstand time).
- Then there is the matter of control and intent. How efficient/loving/good is the power used. How much money or energy is wasted in the use thereof?

Maybe it just comes down to what wilber defines as the highest morality: the greatest power is power that is excersized over the greatest depth for the greatest span.

That's fine for theory but something i thought of yesterday is that the greatest power one can have is just to be/become your whole Self. This power seems to me personal and so very important. It is lasting because it cannot be taken away even by time, and it's intent and control is just to the best of your ability because it emerges from your whole being. Of course this is the trick, that we must act from our whole Self, not only our mind or feelings or body or gut or intuition, but with our whole soul. well this might also wrong:) chao

tears for the dead and the living dead on a glorious day

i dreamt a funeral for my dead friend Karl. His parents were there and many old friends and for some strange reason some of many family as well. At some stage it also felt like there was a session were friends apologised for the things they did against him. It was a long process and at the end I couldn't keep my feelings under control anymore and started crying unconsolably and tried to hide it. I guess my dreams have to cry for me if I won't.

So if men don't want to talk about feelings they talk about the weather(or sports). The last few days here have been a mini spring right in the middle of winter. the sun is shining onto my desk and even my cold heart cannot help feeling a smile. it's a glorious day weatherwise:)

earth's birthday

New year/silvester at grindelwald at the J. family chalet in the mountains. A remote wooden village covered in soft snow at the foot of ancient rock monoliths that guard the southern sky - the wetterhorn, eiger and schrekhorn. There is only direct sun from around 11 to 1. Great food, schlitteling, go and sheber games, and stranger friends taking a break in this white pond before joining the grey rush of mad life again. oh and interesting snowboarding. a bit like my life at the moment. a little zen, great beauty around me, and lots of frustrating struggling on steep slopes. why me lord.. Coming back to Zurich, the air was just hanging around and social junk communication competed for my eyes and mind again. A grau depression seeped up my legs, which only the familie K. could mitigate.

wise men say....

Christmas in Austria. I took the night train to Vienna and so i missed the tranquil 'windowfilm' that makes a train trip so magical. Spent the weekend at the ashram which is situated beautifully among vinelands. The meditation was intensive and the people nice, but I didn't like the religious and reverent atmosphere so much. but my mom would be happy that i prayed so much to jesus again. Oh well, take what is good. Spent the aftrenoon in Vienna on my way back. Nice architecture and atmosphere although it was a miserable cold day. Walked around for a few hours in the leopold museum looking at painitings by shiele ,klimt and other austrian artists.
Unfortunately no before sunrise meetings this time,) Not only the place and woman needs to be right, also the time and timing. Mysterious, precious, urgent time.

schnee and birthdays

woke up this morning and when i opened my curtain i got a pleasant white shock. while we were sleeping nature redecorated herself a little and put on a white mantle to go out on this new sunday. sehr schon madame:) Today we'll celebrate various cycles at Jan and Alexandra's.

murakami

If you don't want to spend time in an insane asylum, you have to open up a little more and let yourself go with life's natural flow.

...sometimes I have the need for human warmth...Sometimes, if I can't feel something like the warmth of a woman's skin, I get so lonely I can't stand it.

gaint little steps

zurich newsflash...Finn walks:)

snow

yesterday it realy snowed for the first time. a beautiful maelstrom of white water, chased around in all directions by the wind, greeted me as i looked out of the hairdresser's big windows. Also had great homemade pizza at Nicole and saw Diários de Motocicleta about Che and alberto's journey through s-america. Today i found a room at last. haleluja.

winter's welcome

Winter has reached her icy hand into our foothills. Yesterday we walked with our hands frozen through the wondercoloured rigiblick forest and every once in a while sneeufli's welcomed winter's exit from the church of last year. Tonight i can even see the stars the sky is so clear.

nicodemus

This weekend it was an honour to meet and be taught kriya yoga by the wise and radiating figure of Paramahamsa Prajnanananda. I also learnt some things about myself from others. So the search for power,peace, clarity, love continues.

joy

last night my friend Karl came to me in a dream. It was an extraordinary dream. He was there with 2 people, a big tall and stern judge and his daughter(whom i know). I greeted them all and he started asking me what i am doing now. I answered with the usual details. Then we embraced. I have seldom felt some much love. We ended up falling backwards, rolling over a table and finally onto the ground embracing with joy. Typically me i thought if this is 'allowed' between men. But there was nothing sexual i could feel. Just a huge amount of love and oneness.

I got a nice book as a present about the life of the indian sage Paramahansa Yogananda and reading this has made my being a bit more open, perhaps to far away friends as well.

the kiss

this morning in a dream i kissed a woman i know with a kiss so rare i woke up. it was a kiss built with our eyes, from the ursprong, from the fountain of love and i's.

last evening me, Paolo and Cairo went for a 'nightnic' at clifton beach. mmm beautiful sunset, wine, stars, food and kuiering.

moonday

it's been a loong day
at least the moon is on her way

oxygen and timelessness

On friday i ended a 5 day fast. it was a new experience for me and very worthwhile. although i'm a bit sick of tea at the moment,) i quote from a letter i wrote to a friend:

"it's teaching me a lot about my body and mind. paradoxically i've realised that life is not about 'not doing' or doing things but about if you can stay aware of 'your' deeper Self through everything. food is a very wonderful thing(even a can of beans sounds mouthwatering at this moment:), as is not eating. i'm beginning to see what matters most is that you are present in every moment and that 'things' are not controlling you but you are living, playing them. to live pain, eating, abstinence, sex, anger, wonder, in love, ect. but through it all not too forget that we are not these things. they are an evolutionary play of the absolute spirit... who we
are. do i make sense?:) i really like this view of things. for it doesn't take away
paul or you or pain or happiness or the past or future but just places them in perspective."

spiral

this week has been both ordinary and amazing. i am at Jan and Alexandra's place at the moment and learning something new every day. i feel the time is coming near to shift up an energy level. i mean to make those colors a bit brighter,)
i'll write more later. i've enabled comments now so hopefully anyone can add their thoughts.

dreams

the last three days i have had and remembered very vivid dreams. Two days ago i dreamt that a good friend of mine died. it shook me in the dream and i cried. this has only happened once before. the next day i dreamt of two other friends. in one i was somewhere in a mountain where there were sort of giant waterworks with a huge stone falling down, like a giant rock piston. Oloff and a girl appeared there. In the other dream a very old and long ´gone´ friend, Rolf, was caught by a dark female force with had some overtones of a dominatrix. i had to lie and cheat to try and rescue him. Last night i was shopping with stragers in a strange town and later a ´new friend´ wanted to get me to look after his bussiness selling something. It didn´t feel right and i declined.

i asked for them and they came.

am see

as you can see i'm not a very good weblogger. i am not even in the same continent as my last entry!, although it is still the same year. be that a.i.m...
the enterprise finds itself exploring the edges of the bodensee quadrant in switzerland. it is here that i have come to learn about apples, cows, cherries and have a workout and suntan at the same time,) the work is making me eat so much. luckily the food is great. lasagna, fondu, cheese, wine, rusti... It is only I, Helmut, Martina, and Helmut's parents in the adjoining house. This weekend i will leave to go back for a party in Zurich and then visit another farm next week. here's a pic taken from my room this evening. chao

new arrival

my new nephew, James Scott, was born today. Geluk Franine en Colin.

san cristobal

mexico again lured me back.... the travellers, the forests, revolution, knowledge.

veracruz

danzon in the plaza. a good friend.

first entry

captains log stardate 20049. in the swiss quadrant.

jan and alex and finn

new friends in zurich, switzerland. a new time

swiss and spanish adventure

Simone here i come