woman in the wood

I had the strangest dream(s) last night. Me, my frien J. and some children were somewhere in a room and J. was explaining/giving a lecture to us on how when children enter into or through the 'wood-world'(another dream world?) they can usually return but that occasionally they do get trapped there (for a while?). There was also the prostrate (sleeping?) figure of a young girl with us. Somehow she was centrally
involved in what we were doing or discussing. Then i think i tried it and entered into or through the 'wood'. I got in but then unxpectedly someone or thing came out of nowhere and gave me a 'fright'(something like saying BOO! behind me). I got such a fright that i immediately awoke shouting something out loud. It was unexpected but i didn't feel malice yet. But things changed. For the rest of the night i was drifting in and out of sleep having the feeling that something sinister is behind my head hiding in the wood and perhaps living in the wood next to my bed. I got the feeling it was a woman and that she is not very friendly towards me. I was feeling very violent(read scared) in my other dreams because i several times told her to go away and when i later saw a cat or kitten looking straight at me in a dream i very aggresively stared it down, mistakenly thinking it might be the woman or sent by her. I approached it and picked it up, softly because i realized i had an open swiss army knife in my right hand. what a night!

farewell to a krokodil

Monday night was the farewell 'fire' to Mojo down at the rote fabrik. The staff made dinner and the old krokodil band members teamed up for a few blazing rock songs. Man they're good. His brothers also joined to make some great music. But someone was missing. Travel well Mojo.

meditation is

... being with yourself.

dreary sky

My enemy is my helper

- old sufi or christian mystic saying.

The love we need to 'hunt' is inside ourselves. But that love is difficult prey. You have to be very fast ... because anything can distract you from your goal. If you can capture the 'prey' you will see that your love can grow strong inside you and it can fulfill all your needs.

-The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz.

I cannot recommend this book too highly, least of all to myself :) So straight and powerfull. And the audio book is read by a well-known couple with wonderful voices.

an interview with Don Miguel Ruiz and
www.miguelruiz.com

a watery grave

I had a restless night last night and an ominous dream. Unfortunately i've forgotten the start of it because it seemed significant and interesting. A group of us where together somewhere on a platform, busy with some ceremony or experiment? My impression is that it was a success and something bright and round materialized among us or we were indeed the pattern that formed. At this the scene shifted slightly and we now appeared to be high on a narrow gangway. Far below us was an ocean shore. Suddenly the others pushed me and an older woman off the plank. It happened unexpectedly and as we were near the edge i lost my balance and fell. Right beneath us there were people swimming and rocks and i was very concerned of hitting them. So i angled my descent away towards the open ocean. I now felt fear as it was very high. I tried to hit the water at an angle so that i wouldn't go so deep. As i went in i immediately started to check my descent by paddling upwards. However as i went down knew it was useless. I was going too deep. There wouldn't be enough air left in my lungs to reach the surface again.
Afterwards i sensed or overheard? that the older woman had died as well. Her bones where shattered on impact with the water.

An unusual dream and message. As far as i can recall i haven't died in a dream before.

half-moon rising

With the spring night warm and lingering me and M sat down together on the steps and didn't leave them until the night slept deeply and the tips of our noses and bodies were warm.

blowing in the wind

our lives are like writing with a stick on water

- the Buddha.

Part of Me

Life and death.

Mojo, my roommate died silently yesterday in his bed. He drank himself to death after his wife died suddely a few years ago, but I don't know that much. All i know is that i love him and will miss him. We weren't close; our personalities and lives and ages being very different but when i feel and remember his soul, he was or is an especially beautiful being. He was also a great musician, a rock star in his time, the seventies, playing for the swiss progressive rock band Krokodil. He played the guitar, harmonica and flute and the few times i heard him still play these instruments it was wunderschön.

You can read a little about the band here and also listen to one of their songs, You're Still a Part of Me at the first link.

Swiss Pop&Rock Anthology

Swiss Rock
last.fm - Krokodil
krokodil

Uf wiederhöre Mojo
Paul

Mojo Kurt M Weideli 1 Oct 1948 - 26 Apr 2006

Death & mayhem

Today is the 20 year anniversary of the Chernobil disaster.
This is a good if somewhat unusual site to get a glimpse of what happened there. Follow Elena on her journey:

Elena's fotos

And if you want to know about a current disaster read about the major war going on in the DRC:

The war the world forgot

harm and health

This morning i was watching some nicevideos of a workshop gien by Ken Wilber and others and afterwards showering this showerthought ran out the faucet over my head and into me: we cannot do any harm unto others without harming ourselves. Of course sometimes this is necessary, as when we kill to eat, or punish to teach, or go cold turkey to break a habit.

And the reverse is just as true. the least good we do, we do unto ourselves also. This Jesus said, which is fitting on this day. Thanks showerhead ;)

So that is also an answer as to why i'm usually a sortof-vegetarian: because it is easier 'for me', it costs less 'for me', and it does the least harm to all of us.

Two nights ago i had an extra-ordinary clear dream. I was ascending Chomolangma(mnt everest) with a tibetan guide/sherpa and a small group of people. The atmosphere was clear and cold and our purpose intense. At one point we rested and about 2 hours higher up i discovered i must have 'forgotten' my backpack lower down. We stopped and my/the guide came down and i realized he didn't have it either. He felt sorry(in a non-guilty way) that he hadn't looked after me better but implied unworriedly that i could continue without it. For me that was out of the question. I could not entertain that option at all and he silently undestood that. He handed me a parcel and two red postcards. I felt i was to read them when i reached my backpack. The postcards contained good wishes/news from 2? woman, and that would give me the added hope and inspiration to climb back up and again join the party(who would continue). interesting. what message is my soul and unconscious singing to me?

complicated road to nowhere or the unbearable lightness of now

why do we make everything so difficult? What happened to play and fun and flow? Perhaps we seek too hard. We work so hard and try to control so much to reach these new nowhere's.

Well we know where we’re goin’
But we don’t know where we’ve been
And we know what we’re knowin’
But we can’t say what we’ve seen
And we’re not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride

I’m feelin’ okay this mornin’
And you know,
We’re on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don’t care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there...
take you there

We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

We’re on a road to nowhere

- -Talking Heads.

fun and games

I'm having fun playing around with my fast new Xfce desktop,alias Xubuntu.

A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed

.

- Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

US Regime: Arrogant killers

Just over three years ago, when I interviewed the Saudi foreign minister, I asked him why he thought the US was determined to invade Iraq.

He said he had put the same question to Vice-President Dick Cheney. Mr Cheney had replied: "Because it's do-able".

It was. The trouble is, undoing the kind of damage the Saudi foreign minister foresaw is proving very hard indeed.

Source:By John Simpson, BBC World Affairs Editor.

This war in Iraq makes me sick.

all for 1 and 1 for all

An idea came to me while showering. It is about to man's search for meaning and the great chain of being. Hasn't my/our search become focused on what the meaning of our lives are. Like Jung and others have said, this reflection of us on ourselves, on who we are, on becoming aware of our individuality is the latest chapter in the evolution of consciousness. People use many methods to give meaning to their lives, depending on their own level of awareness. But in the shower i entertained a thought that should be obvious but wasn't before. That what is inexplicable in my life belongs to a higher order of meaning. Of course religious orders take this for granted, bit i had long since walked out of that perspective and had to find my own explanation again. That gave me consolation, that this boundless 'one' i'm part of causes events i have no control over. Of course i also have some freedom that i have responseabilty over but i have to be aware of that which is beyond me. This doesn't mean I cannot love or fight in this limited role, just that i am aware of the boundless around me and to be better atuned and in harmony with it, if possible.

Another thing came up in meditation and a conversation with J, and because of a situation at the moment. So often we and i errect a barrier around ourselves to keep out other views, other possibilities. Some people start every sentence with the word no, other's like myself when listening to people silently 'judge' their words for it's veracity, depth, etc. Now mediation taught me today just to let go and watch 'things' come in. Seems easy hih but damn hard. It's so dangerous we feel. But it's really amazing to listen to others and EVEN OURSLEVES without 'reacting' defensively, judgementally to what is being said. The amazing freedom comes from this: when we let these sensations come in it means we have nothing to fear from them, nothing to defend against. No energy to waste on expensive 'defense'forces. Well those are my hippie ideas for today...(the judge in me comments ;)

We carry in our hearts the true country
And that cannot be stolen

- Midnight Oil.

unseen channels

I've been reading up about feng shui and dream states after having a real 'evil' dream while sleeping in an unusual position. Makes me think how unaware i often am about the influence my physical surroundings have on me and i on it. Well i re-organized a few things and felt much better physi-and psychologically.

Here is the dream. I don't think i have ever felt such evil before in a dream.

I was in my bathroom at my parents home where i grew up. Inside the bath sat my eldest son and outside the bath next to him, i think i saw another younger son and my wife? I am in front of my son pouring white water over his body to keep the evil from rising up in him. It works a few times but then it overpowers him. We are now on the other side of the bathroom and i he, taller than me, is coming for me with an evil intent without any care. I realize there is no other option but to knock 'my son' unconscious. I hit him in his face with all my force and i wake up just having hit the wall next to my bed very hard with my fist. Ouch.

Afterwards i felt scared as if something was lurking in the corner of the room.

half past a lie f vih

actually i shouldn't be writing about birds singing and spring springing, because that's not how i feel inside most of the time these days. i should be writing about madnissss, anngrrr and deth ...and lie.if. i seem to be dreaming in a world of sleeping people. aren't there grown-apes outdare that still have dat eager twinkle of childlike all-is-possible in dare eYes. aren't dare people outdare who don't need whars and dis-asters to awake dem for a while; who think dare is more to luf than di dredgery of learn'ed' habbit(..ribbit ribbit). aren't dare people awakE! outdare?? is dare eni-1 outdare, eniONE, eniONE.... wel um that sounds like a line from star trek or a movie, so that probably means time 2go2 bed 4 dis-chayeld ;)

sense.early
caPtain No!skwik


ps. As you surely gesst bi Njow, dih caP get's s name from having dankgheroos multi-Pill Pow-whirrs:
1. he's backed up by a wellknown milk flavoring mix maker
2. he makes no sound when coming (in more ways than 1 ;)
3. he's quick to deny manythings
4. he's got a nasal drip
5. and last but least he understands everything very very schnell and rabidly :)

again adios amoebas

birds & the bees & april freees

The bird and animal sounds newly arrived with spring are amazing, no. How empty the worlds would be without that. It's april fool's day but the sun already played one on me wednesday. for the life of me i couldn't see the bloody solar sonnefinsternis eclipse. I had enough data to satisfy Nasa, but alas the pudding was empty of proof; just tasteless theory ;)

test test test just a test

an answer

U. said: try demud/humilty and humour. wow what an answer.

humilty: why do i suppose things should be perfect in my little piece of the universe. Perhaps what went wrong was necessary for something bigger to work and to be 'perfect'
humour: perhaps not take my and others' actions so seriously. Laugh because that's sometimes all the hell we can do.

merci.

love, mad irony and forgiveness

the secret is this: can i forgive myself for that which was not my fault and also for those things that were? i know not if i have the strenght for this or where to start?

extremely wise thought for the day ;)

it comes to me that success and failure can both be hard roads to face in their unique ways. They each have tribulations and as always from the one the other looks so much better. We can steer our sphere (holon) of control to some degree but the seas and channels of much bigger designs often 'destines' our successes and failures. Also what might look like a success or failure from the deck of our little ship often turns out to be otherwise later or elsewhere :)

This reminds me of the chinese story about the farmer whose horse ran away.

One day the farmer's son failed to tether the horse properly and the horse ran away. His neighbours said, 'What bad luck !'
The farmer replied, 'How do you know?'
The next day the horse returned with three other healthy young wild horses. His neighbours said, 'What good luck !'.
'How do you know?', replied the farmer. The following day the farmer's son broke his leg when he fell from one of the new horses. The neighbours said, 'What bad luck !' and again the farmer replied, 'How do you know?'
While the son was incapacitated the Emperor's army passed through the village gathering fit young men for a war that was just beginning far away on the other side of the Empire. All the young men from the village were conscripted except, of course, the farmers son. All the people in the village said: "He is a lucky man, he has still his son with him.
Of course he said as before: 'How do you know?'.

spring is springing into the northern hemisphere

Welcome dear frühling. Your arrival is greeted with naked limbs and happiness by us ground dwellers :)

Some thoughts came swinging through the trees to me while meditating this sunday and i wrote them down thanks to R.:
- meditation is becoming more awake. Relaxed yet very alert. Like the aikido pratitioner, balanced, flowing, ready to answer, to live.
- our eyes and how and where they look may have a greater effect than we realize. Keeping my eyes unfocused on the horison seems to activate awareness.
- meditation is sitting with friends; being with friends, being present, being aware, being there :)
- there are different kinds and rhythms of breathing.

A thought paraphrased from Osho:

[meditation] is not seeking perfection but seeking wholeness

meditation:

c.1225, "discourse on a subject," from L. meditari "to meditate, to think over, consider," from PIE base *med- "to measure, limit, consider, advise" (cf. Gk. medesthai "think about," medon "ruler," L. modus "measure, manner," modestus "moderate," modernus "modern," mederi "to heal," medicus "physician," Skt. midiur "I judge, estimate," Welsh meddwl "mind, thinking," Goth. miton, O.E. metan "to measure"). Meaning "act of meditating, continuous calm thought upon some subject" is from 1390. -from online etymology dictionary

The Sanskrit word dhyana, derived from the verbal root dhyai ("to contemplate, meditate, think"), is the most common designation both for the meditative state of consciousness and the yogic techniques by which it is induced. The Vedanta tradition also employs the terms nididhyasana, which stems from the same verbal root, upasana (literally "dwelling upon"), and bhavana (literally "cultivating"). - Georg Feuerstein

der Vaterland

My first time ever on deutsche soil as i journeyd to the giant Cebit show in the north of germany(Honaver) for a week of work. I must say i find the german people and landscape sehr interesant und freundlich. Wish you could see how sexy i looked in my new intalian suit :)

high on hei

I'm glad to be home again! Thanks to heavy snowfalls today the country outside my windows looks beautiful, wonderful, hermosa, schön, pragtig, lieflik, out of a children's fairytale. i wish i was inside as peaceful as this view outside today.