original face

one day when i was feeling very desperate
i went to you full of my despair
to lie to you, to show you(again) i love you, and to test for hope

and late at night at the end of my utter failure
i placed my hand close to yours
and you, thinking i meant to take it(maybe i did)
took mine and we locked hands
not as lovers, but in desperate consolation
maybe the red wine helped or maybe not
but a peace descended on me
a silence that was not akward but infinite, timeless
we said nothing,
nothing needed to be said
- you were there.
and looked at nothing
nothing else needed to be looked at
- you were there.
then i dissolved
for the first time in my life _i_ did not exist
_i_ wasn't me or even you
there was just, unthinking, unfeeling, unasking, awareness
i don't know what you felt for i had no words
,even to you
perhaps you shared some of it
i wish very much to be with you again and return this
but i have not been able to
it seems that the world of a thousand things
barrs my way.