desperate heart

Dear X

this is goodbye. even though i accept that each time i try to do this, what i desire most of all is that you will come closer to me. and when i think about you or read your writing i cannot accept that i will ever lose you. but i don't care anymore what idiotic things i do or try. i've stopped phoning you because you never answer your phone. i can't even send you flowers because you won't give me your home address. what a disaster. you told me you would come, not once, but many times. i do not even have enough incentive to go to a club or bar to meet woman, but for you i went to another country and stupidly risked a year of my life so that we can see each other more often. and all you have is excuses. and what an expert you are at excuses. i'm tired of my dependence on you, so from now on you can keep all your fucking excuses for yourself. i hate you for the way you've managed to kill something so beautiful, and yet i love you with all my heart and wish you happiness and i accept my part in this mess. although there from the safety of your air-conditioned office, you can probably write this off as a bad novel. anyway you must be used to missing deadlines by now. you seem to be good at just going with the flow, so good luck with your flow theory.