the problem is dear laundromat that at the moment she is my happiness and i need her. on the few days when i am strong and filled with energy then i love her even more. i don't need her on those days. then she's not an obsession but a gift from god. then she is my friend, my muse, my dream and i forget her hesitations and distance. but those days are so few. what i need to do is create. to create so much that my desires convert into art and fly around like mad vultures looking for her. i need her so much and she's worried about taking too many days off. dear god.
i have become two people - the strong and the weak. at first it disturbed me, but now i just watch it with acceptance. maybe this is how dr jekyll and mr hyde started out.
Today i wrote to her trying to be strong. i gave her the sacrifices-must-be speech. ¨sacrifices and compromises must be made to make this relationship work.¨ am i getting that desperate. i thought i had given up on her. it's amazing what the hour phone call of yesterday can do for optimism.
My friend Nicola will surely think i've taken leave of my senses if she reads this. A part of me wants to share these obsessed thoughts with the world but another part knows i will look back on this as a lovesick aberation.
but today was not only about her. I found some good material on astral/etheric projection on the net. there are some really talented and energetic people out there. and they know how to make a living from their passion. that's important too if your not an 'ascended one' yet. i wonder where life will lead me. i rarely come into contact with these people because i'm such a loner and i prefer to do things myself anyway. i'm not a very good follower. but sometimes i wish i could meet more of them. especially the ones who are sensible but also believe there is more to life than work, tv and patriotism.
No comments:
Post a Comment