mad

a strange day. i wonder what's going on between me and x. there's some curious energy. i cut my hair today. what a cut. she was rough but i liked it. no i'm not talking about sex. maybe scalp play. well at least i look presentable now.
i won't be writing so much to X. anymore, even though it kills me. why should i share my intimate thoughts with her when she is about to dissappear. i can't even phone her late at night or send her flowers. she has made sure of that.
i wish god did exist in the traditional sense then i could've told 'him' what a fucking doos cunt he was before i went up in flames. it would've been the vain revolution of one nothingness against the great jellogoG. And fuck the pope too while i'm at it. That a grown man in command of so many languages can believe such utter crap - what a drooling clown. sorry to the 1 billion brainless little lambs out there. and let me not say anything against the other prophet. what a waste to have the bullies after one. i hope we have a plague soon to cut the human race to size. they have grown fat and fixated with ideological air. they destroy the earth and animals while they masturbate with their puny little missiles. the united states of arrogance and their arsenal of death. what wankers. the big fish in the little pond of earth. how the bully will run when it shoots itself in the foot or a whale sits on it. fuckit, someone should say these things. but it's true, all of us should do introspection to see where all our so-called 'knowledge' really comes from. i'm just a wanker like the rest of you. call me a messenger, a stirrer-upper. all i can say is listen carefully to my words, take them very seriously, but don't copycat a word or an emotion. we don't need any more enthusiastic followers. shut your fucking brain up and be quiet for a while. close this book and be real for a moment without society or parents or gods or prophets or family or pasts or futures. in other words look outside at the stars. life is life, no need to tell me about reality. today a 4 year old child was hit by a bus and killed in front of his mother. but for fuck sakes people, let's not add to the confusion. wake up.

today i realised again just what an incredibly powerful force sex is. good lord. i don't know about woman, but poor men. and contraception has turned the world upside down for woman too. children and sex are no longer one. lust has been let out on its on its own cognisance.